Sunday, January 27, 2013

White Handbook Says What?

Dear Family and those I love,
   To answer my own question, this is what it says on page 6 "Never leave the boundaries of your mission unless your mission president authorizes you to travel outside the boundaries for a specific assignment."  Well transfers got a little crazy this week and Chi Hoa and I received a special assignment to go to the Bangkok General hospital to find my central nervous system and to observe a Christian chapel in Bangkok.  As a side note the chapel was really weird, it had three ottomans against the wall, with a priest's robe on a headless mannequin and disturbing pictures on a shrine.  I am so thankful for my understanding of prayer that I know He knows me and delights to answer my prayers no matter where I offer them at.
  Okay so in all seriousness, for those who aren't in the know, I really seriously did go to Thailand and I really did wander around in the Bangkok General hospital for over 12 hours, but it was for a really good reason.  I really don't know how to explain the emotional roller coaster I went through as I faced two doctor's consultations and the fact that an MRI was supposed to be scheduled for me, but I didn't exist in their computers.  Then to add to the fact the two doctors I talked to never actually talked to me, but instead came to two rather hasty conclusions, one that I have a medication over use head ache (which I don't by the way, Chi Hoa and I have both done the math and I haven't taken ibuprofen or tylenol consistently enough in order to get one of those) or that I simply have a head ache because my neuron transmitters got messed up because of a virus and I should be put on anti-depressants to rewrite them (so the first part might be true, my brain is fine structurally, and Chi Hoa says my brain is beautiful with clear ridges and everything, so it really is just a head ache) but anti-depressants aren't the answer and after coming back from Thailand I know as little as when I started.  How many people get to leave their country during their mission, fly to a world renowned hospital in Thailand, get a picture taken of their brain, at less than half the cost of a hospital in the states, then fly back before the week was over and then still have not moved from your old area to your new one. 
  So let's back up in the story a bit, around Christmas time I got sick and I've stayed that way.  The variables have changed, but the head ache has always stuck around.  After five weeks of pulling half days and half the time no work days and two weekends under house arrest with Chi Hoa at the branch 10 house (you see Heavenly Father is so kind to me, he always gives me forwarnings of where I will live and who my companion will be, I like that) Pres and Sis Moon said that enough was enough and I had a choice, go to Salt Lake for an MRI or go to Thailand.  Well I didn't necessarily think that anything was wrong with the structure of my brain, but after three doctors saying the word tumor, I thought some reassurance could be nice, the great news of everything is that I don't have a tumor.  Thailand was the perfect option it was close to Phnom Penh and we could do a day trip (or so we thought) and I could still come back to do the work while the powers that be look at pictures.  So last Monday President, Sister Moon and I decided Thailand, and when things are decided here, things go really fast.  By next day Chi Hoa and I had the news to pack our bags and go to Thailand.  So Wednesday morning we took a plane to Thailand, where we found out we have senior couples in Burma and Laos, Thailand is much more advanced than Cambodia, my zone is very special because we only have one zone leader who trains, Thailand actually has real mattresses and Cambodia is really special, all the way from our monthly baptismal goals (which only sort of exist in the Viet zone) and the fact our zone leader trains.








Dear Family and those I love,
   I'm sorry for the cliff hanger, I was trying to save my draft and sent it instead... so back to the story
                           
        Cambodia really is special and I am so blessed to serve here.  So Wed. Chi Hoa and I went to a zone training, ate pay Thay and talked for hours that night because the international sisters can stay out late and we didn't have anything to do, we were in Thailand.  I was promised that Thailand would be satisfying and even though I still don't know what neurologists around the world don't know what think about my brain, everything happened just the way Heavenly Father intended it to work out.  That knowledge brought so much peace into my heart as I arrived at Bangkok bright and early only to find out there were no appointments for me and that I didn't have a flight to leave the country.  So many times that day with a head ache to beat the band and stress enough for two people I was blessed to know that my Savior knows how to help me.  Gethsemane was about Christ feeling my pain and feeling me reach my potential so he always knows how to help me smile.  Sure there was a time or two when I was just DONE, when we had to find a land line for an international call or when I didn't know how to handle unexpected costs or when I feared for a split second there really was something wrong with my brain or worse when I thought I learned there wasn't something wrong (imagine my surprise when Sis Moon found me after the whole experience and told me both doctors I talked to were up in the night) but even in the midst of being DONE, I never lost hope, I knew that I was in God's hands, I knew I could survive the day, I could see how funny it was that I had left my mission country for a picture of my brain that might not even happen and I saw the tender mercy that Heavenly Father sent me with Chi Hoa, not only did we have a lot of transfer (four to be exact since we were companions) news to catch up on, she is so diplomatic, kind, patient and adventurous that  I never felt alone and I never felt forsaken.
  Thankfully we had another flight the next morning, I found out I was really good at holding still (I did a complete MRI in 45 minutes) and we still made it home before transfers the next day so I could say good bye to Anh Ca Hoa Minh (our district leader going to Hanoi) and my mother and aunts (Chi Pham and Chi Ly finished their missions this last week).  I enjoyed my time in Thailand, even if I spent most of it in a hospital, but I learned they have really good food in the cafeteria. I enjoyed showering with a shower curtain and sleeping on a mattress and it was a thrill to be on a subway and travel between countries like a pro.  But mostly I learned that things don't really turn out like we expect them two, we wouldn't learn as much if they did.  I learned that my zone is special, what a joy it was to enter the mission home and seeing them waiting there for us, we had so much to share and they were so willing to cheer me up after a day or two of fiasco.  I am very thankful for President and Sis Senior (thai mission president) who took us out to dinner so they could learn about how Pres Moon runs things here and were kind enough to let us sleep at the mission condominium because they only have an office, not a home.  I am thankful for the many prayers that were given on my behalf.  I still don't have solid answers, but I know I am known and that God has a plan for me.
   Perhaps that was what Thailand was trying to teach me.  My whole mission I haven't been a typical missionary, never with numbers or experiences.  But coming to Cambodia wasn't about reaching my expectations, heck, I really didn't have a whole lot of them (Heavenly Father said, go to Cambodia, so I did) coming to Cambodia was about learning Heavenly Father's expectations for me and for his children and helping all of us meet our potential.  What a blessed opportunity it is to be a servant of the Lord to learn how to do His work his way.  I testify the only peace we find in this life is the peace that comes when we give our will to Heavenly Father and he makes us more than we are.  I love you all, I am thankful for this life and the opportunity I have to experience new things and have adventures.  I pray that you will be mindful of the tender mercies in your lives and that you know Heavenly Father loves you.
                                    Love 
                                   Chi Dao
P.S If you have any other specific questions about the adventures of the week, just email or dear elder.  Also due to the fact I was emotionally caught up in this I fear my story telling was pathetic.  So I will forward the email Chi Hoa is sending so you can get a full picture.  Jennifer please post her email as well.  
Love me
  
Email from Chi Hoa:
Things got a little crazy around transfers and Chi Dao and I ended up in Thailand. Along the way, we learned that we do actually have senior couples and branches in Laos and Myanmar, so the "not in Burma" comment on the Vietnamese lost sheep records had a bit more relevance than we thought.

The white handbook says to "never leave the boundaries of your mission unless your mission president authorizes you to travel outside the boundaries for a specific assignment." I never thought I would leave the Cambodia Phnom Penh Mission either with or without authorization before concluding my mission, but I haven't really had a normal missionary day since before Christmas, so being sent to Thailand wasn't too shocking. Of course, I was still rather surprised on Tuesday after district meeting when I was cutting cucumbers in the Westovers' kitchen with the APs and Sis. Westover came up to me and said, "You know you're going to Bangkok tomorrow morning, right?" My response was something along the lines of "...what?"

The best part was telling Anh ca Hoa Minh. He has a tendency to be very dramatic, so Chi Dao and I knew we had to tell him very carefully. He knew that something was up. After lunch and ice cream with our district on our last p-day together, we sat our district leader down and said something pretty close to the following: ''Anh ca Hoa Minh, you know that President called me two hours before the transfer call, right? And then he talked to Chi Dao this morning, which is why we were late. And you know that the Vietnamese branches here in Phnom Penh are struggling and Chu Tich Trieu has mentioned the possibility of integrating with the Khmer branches. You noticed they're sending a lot of people to Vietnam this transfer, right? There will be twenty-two Vietnamese-speaking missionaries in the mission, but seven of us can't go to Vietnam, so basically, they are sending everyone they possibly can to Vietnam, and they're trying to figure out what to do with the rest of us. I'm not really sure what's going on with the elders, but it's sounds like maybe Anh ca Tu will have a chance to use the Khmer he's been learning. They're trying to send Chi Hien somewhere she may be able to speak Hmong, and Chi Dao and I are going to Thailand."

He was really sad - really, really sad. We planned to meet up in Utah after our missions (he'll go to BYU; Chi Dao will go home and get married; Anh ca Minh will go for vacation; and I'll go to be with Jordy), and he wondered out loud if we could email each other since we were no longer in the same mission. That was when I realized he didn't know we were joking. The Viet branches are still here. They sent more elders to Vietnam this transfer because the mission is short on sisters. Anh ca Tu, Anh ca Canh, Anh ca Sang, and Anh ca Duy don't have to learn Khmer. We just pulled some disconnected facts together and embellished to make up a story for Anh ca Hoa Minh. He's the only one who fell for it.

Chi Dao and I really did go to Thailand though. Why? Well, the reason President, Sister Moon, and the area doctor in Hong Kong sent us to Thailand was to get an MRI of Chi Dao's brain because she's had a headache for five weeks. However, that is not why Heavenly Father sent us to Thailand because he already knew what the MRI told us: Chi Dao has a beautiful brain and there is nothing structurally wrong with it. When I had pneumonia and was forbidden to leave the house all weekend long, Chi Dao's head wanted to kill her, so we companion-sat each other for the weekend while our companions went out to do missionary work. Apparently we didn't learn what we were supposed to learn that weekend because he gave us another chance to companion-sit each other the following weekend. That was when I told her Monica and NaDene's story about being sick as missionaries in the Oklahoma Tulsa Mission. One day Monica got tired of it and exclaimed in exasperation, "We have been lying here for THREE DAYS!" Chi Dao and I could at that point claim, "We have been lying here for THREE DAYS...TWO WEEKENDS IN A ROW!" Despite that, we still hadn't learned what we were supposed to, so Heavenly Father sent us to Thailand where not even our companions, district leader, zone leader, or mission president's wife would interrupt because our phone from Cambodia doesn't work in Thailand (although Anh ca Tien, our zone leader, told us that he did try to call while we were gone, and we were grateful because we really missed talking to him and Anh ca Hoa Minh at the end of the day). Then Heavenly Father extended our trip in Thailand (our overnight trip became a ~3 day trip...THREE DAYS!), and we think we have finally have an idea of what to do this transfer now that we are companions for keeps and not just a weekend.

Chi Dao and I survived the MTC together, celebrated my birthday by eating raw salmon on a plane on the way to Hong Kong, and both had the privilege of serving with Chi Ly. We have been particularly good friends since sports day when we kicked around a soccer ball with one another. We were totally excited to go to Thailand together and joked that we were on a mission to retrieve her central nervous system (we had a joke about Sister Moon stealing it and sending it to Thailand without the rest of her when she sent the CT results a couple weeks earlier). Then we started talking on Wednesday morning in the Phnom Penh airport while waiting for our flight, and that conversation lasted until we landed in Phnom Penh again on Friday. We talked about callings, assignments, and what the Lord expects of us. Vietnamese-speaking missionaries in this mission don't quite do missionary work "normally" - either you're in Vietnam where you can't where tags or proselyte or you're in Cambodia where you look for lost people using only their name, birthday, and confirmation date. Now that Chi Dao has a chronic headache, we have to adapt even more, and we're hoping there's still a lot more Heavenly Father is going to reveal along the way, but at least now we have a much clearer idea of what our starting point is and what we have to work with. We have a lot of unanswered questions, but we are very excited and have high hopes for this transfer. When we were in Branch 3 yesterday, Anh ca Tu commented that we reminded him of Sister Sparks and Sister Bayles. "The personalities are different, but you're a couple of white girls out to save the world and have an adventure."

The Thailand Bangkok Mission took very good care of us. We had some interesting culture shock when we were expected to eat with Western utensils in stead of chopsticks. The subway, freeways, and numerous buildings over five stories tall were kind of appalling. They sent us to zone training (Bangkok West Zone) where we were astounded by...a lot of things. For example:
Me: "Who is your zone leader?"
Thai elder: "We have two."
Me: "You have two zone leaders?"
Thai elder: "Yes, they're companions."
Me: "Our zone leader's companion is his trainee."
Thai elder: "Zone Leaders can train?"
Me: "Well, he's been training for the past two transfers and he's about to train again for the next two. Both our district leaders are trainers too."
Thai elder: "Really?"

President and Sister Senior were extremely kind. They each spent some time chatting with us the first afternoon we were there. She gave us some money and told us to go buy chocolate and ice cream because we were going to need it. We stayed the night in the apartment of a sister missionary we met in the MTC and were further flabbergasted by the fact we were living on the 33rd floor of a huge apartment building, sleeping on mattresses, and showering with a shower curtain and warm water with effective water pressure.

The next day we were very grateful for the Oreos we bought out of obedience to Sister Senior. It was supposed to be a simple trip: show up at 7:45 am for the appointment, get and MRI, have a neurology consult, go see something cool in Bangkok, fly back to Phnom Penh in the afternoon. It didn't work like that. There was no appointment. They registered her as a walk-in, we waited for two hours, the first neurologist told Chi Dao she had a headache from taking ibuprofen (she had had the headache for two weeks before taking ibuprofen), they told us the first opening for an MRI was at 9 PM. Chi Dao was mad, so I had to handle communications. I told Chi Dao how to write out and HPI (history of the present illness) and had her do that while I talked to Sister Moon, talked to a translator, talked to the charge nurse, talked to the cashier, talked to the office couple in the Thailand Mission office, and of course talked a lot with Chi Dao. In one conversation with Sister Moon, she apologized profusely following the realization that she had sent us to Thailand without any money. We told her not to worry about it. Then we found out that Heavenly Father had extended our trip another day (our flight filled up and we were bumped to another flight the following day). In the end, Chi Dao finally got an MRI at 6 PM and a second neurologist said it looked fine and she just had a normal headache that could just as easily last five years as it had for the past five weeks. To top it all off, when we went back to the cashier, the receipt printer didn't work and we had to get creative with payment methods. Then the Seniors took us out for Indian food and had us tell them about the Cambodia Phnom Penh Mission. We stayed the night at their house so they could take us to the airport in the morning. Throughout the day, I had been giving Chi Dao motivational thoughts in the form of buttons (the kind with words or pictures on the front and a pin on the back) - and a lollipop I randomly found in my backpack just after she commented that she had been so good at the MRI she deserved one. They had been in the two-birthdays-and-one-
Christmas package Jordy sent me in the MTC and said things like "BE MIGHTY" and "HOPE" but at the end of the day, I still one left. I sat on the bed next to Chi Dao and told her it wasn't exactly applicable, but maybe it would help with perspective. Then I gave her Jordy's favorite button: "CANCER SUCKS."

Chi Hoa

Sunday, January 20, 2013

You want me to do what

Dear Family and those I love,
  Thank you to all for the packages I continue to receive, the reindeer scissors were an especially nice touch and I got a good laugh from the eraser. The package from the group was the last I have received, but I look forward to receiving mom's letter with extras ;).  On that note, Natalie, could you send me the lyrics from Little Women (the fly far away) my brain has some lines from the chorus, but not the rest and I'm going insane not knowing how to finish it.
  What to say, what to say.  We received a fabtabulous blessing in the form of an investigator at church and two less actives.  Our investigator couldn't stay for everything because her daughter was putting up a riot, but when we visited after church Chi Phung said she was very excited to come next week and we are creating a plan so her kids will stay quieter.  It did my heart much good to see the blessings of Heavenly Father.  It has been hard not being able to function for most of this transfer and to feel like I had failed in my service as a missionary, but yesterday was a good reminder that Heavenly Father truly looks on the heart and knows of our desires.
  Speaking of desires, He is answering mine.  I've felt so useless with the language recently, so yesterday He gave me an opportunity to share my testimony and some experiences with two members who have been struggling just a bit.  Amazingly both people understood what I shared and I know I felt the Spirit confirming to me how much God loves them.  I'm grateful for every opportunity I have to share my testimony in Vietnamese, there is a power in it that I have never felt before, perhaps because I am just barely coming to understand how precious a testimony is.  Now for the other desire of my heart, I am being given a rather precious blessing.  I love all the branches, but I always felt like six weeks was too short a time to stay in any of them.  Considering I spent the last six weeks, dead, I feared where the Lord would put me.  In His infinite wisdom, He is giving me two branches for the price of one transfer.  Yes my dear family, this coming transfer, with the loss of four sister missionaries at once (all of whom honorably fulfilled their missions) Chi Hoa and I will be serving in both branch 10 and in Branch 3.  I am grateful Heavenly Father is giving me the opportunity to revisit the people I love in branch 10, while at the same time staying with the people I am coming to love in branch 3.  As my district leader told me last night (I was very excited and told him so with a large yahoo)" uh Chi Dao, you'll be covering two branches, you realize that right?" yes I realize that and I realize that makes for quite a lot of exercise on a bike, but I know the Lord qualifies and blesses those He calls.  I love the people in these two branches so much and I think my Vietnamese is even improving enough I can express that Love to them. I am so scared to have an American companion (not of Chi Hoa herself, we have spent the last two weekends companion-sitting with each other and I am so very VERY excited to serve with her, Heavenly Father has great things for us) because the members here struggle understanding American Viet, but the other wonderful blessing is they have spent the last 12 weeks listening to us (Chi Hoa spent the first 18 weeks in branch 3 and the last six weeks in branch 10 and I spent the last six weeks in branch 3 and before that in branch 10, so Heavenly Father has prepared everything to work) so hopefully they can understand us enough to listen to the Spirit.
  I apologize for that freakish run on paragraph, but that is where my heart is, so full and so excited.  I don't know what Heavenly Father has in store for us and I don't know how He'll do it, but I know He will.  I read Sis Linda Reaves' talk from the General Relief Society meeting, I suggest it to everyone.  I know that my Savior knows me and He will always give me comfort in times of trial and pain, I know because He already has.
  I love you all so very much and I hope this next week will be amazing for everyone. 
Love
Chi Dao
P.S  I wanted to send pictures of my adventures climbing "The mountain of 40 Buddhas" which really means foot hill here, but it was so much fun.  Anh Ca Sang found a young man to act as tour guide and we learned some new things.  I'll send pictures next week when I have a computer that likes USB ports.  Please don't let me forget.  Cambodia is beautiful and I want to share it with you.
P.P.S Dear Mom you are also beautiful, so will you share a picture of you?  How did the hair cut turn out?
      Well I am off to my last Pday with sister Ly,
Love me :-)

Monday, January 14, 2013

I Have Pictures of My Head in Bangkok

Dear Family,
   Well I feel like I could now write a book entitled "Life's Lessons Learned while I was lying Flat on my Back in Cambodia" I admit the title could use some reworking, but I feel like that pretty much sums up the last three weeks of my life.  Due to the fact I don't really have time for a book I shall instead record a list of things here.  If you have any questions please send an email or dear elder for greater explanation.
   1) After another weekend spent with Chi Hoa (she is quite a wonderful companion sitter :-) ) we have come to the conclusion that analyzing the attributes of God is sort of life a prism which refracts light.  Take for example the patience of God, the closer we look at it the more we see all the other attributes, so it is like shining a white light at a prism and having the rainbow (such as charity, humility, diligence) refracted out the other side.

 2) Opportunities to share the Gospel come in all shapes and sizes.  I find it interesting that most of my contacting actually occurs in English.  Like last week when my companion and I stopped at the U Care pharma for some Royal D (gaterade equivilant) and some vitamins for Chi Ly's hair we started talking to the Pharmacist.  A Cambodian who speaks wonderful english and who recognized we were Vietnamese because his father is Vietnamese.  I was able to share a lot about the Restoration as I answered his questions about Jehovah verses Jesus Christ and the bible.  It was so much fun to talk to him and really share what I believe. I also had the opportunity to share my testimony of the Word of Wisdom, in a small way.  When one of the doctors I visited told me to drink coffee and I told her no.

3) Last lesson, God truly is in the details of our lives and he has a plan for us.  He has so many gifts to give us, but it means putting aside our own will and doing his.  If we only follow the commandments or keep the covenants according to what we want, we aren't doing his will, we are just lucky what we want to do coincides with what he wants us to do.  The true test comes when we do what He asks even if it doesn't make sense.  So many times these last weeks I would pray to go out and proselyte and Heavenly Father told me no.  I don't know why, so instead I prayed to be an instrument in His hands anyway I could and He has utilized me in a myriad of ways.  Letting me share insights that came while I was flat on my back to a district leader in need, or trying to help a companionship in need of some TLC.  Perhaps these last weeks have been about learning to seek His peace and realizing that even without answers we can be at peace knowing we are doing the best we can.  I have learned that courage comes in so many forms for so many different reasons.  I wish I could explain what it is like to be a missionary and not teach, talk about depths of frustration, but I know I am in God's hands and I know when I trust His plan for me I have happiness no matter what.  I am excited to see what adventures God has in store for me this week.
 
  I am excited to meet Elder Jake Travis Barker who will be coming into our mission next week, for some reason I didn't realize he's a Viet, which means I'll see him every week for the rest of my mission at district meeting, this will be fun.
  I end with my testimony.  I know God knows us, I know every trial we receive is a blessing in disguise (for us and for others) and has come as an answer to a prayer.  I know the Atonement of Jesus Christ truly can make up for every injustice and that we can bring joy to everyone with this message, whether it is someone who has grown up with this knowledge or is learning it for the first time.  I know God hears every prayer of our hearts and He answers them.  My prayer is that you will feel his love for you this week.
                      Love Chi Dao

*For those that are curious about the post title she was taken to have a CT scan of her head to see if they could figure out what is causing her headaches. The images were sent to Bangkok. 

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Happy New Year to all

Dear Family,
 I know I've been gone for quite awhile, but still.  Speaking of such in two days I will have been in the country since August 9 which is a month anniversary, will someone please do the math, my brain hurts trying to figure it out.
  Now I regret to inform you that I still don't know much about the branch here, other than the members are full of love and that the single adults love my hiccups, and that we lost our eternal investigator.  We haven't dropped him completely, but the Spirit told all three of us that Chu Hai has some decisions to make about whether he truly wants to change or if he wants to keep his pride and never accept that the Atonement can truly work for him.  I have never prayed about one thing so frequently in my life until meeting him and praying that he will accept the Atonement in his life.  Well I guess I also pray that the work in Vietnam will progress and we here in Cambodia welcome more prayers for that cause.  Thank you to all for praying for missionaries here in Cambodia and the many prayers on my behalf, I feel their power daily and find myself thanking Heavenly Father daily for your love and support in my life.
  Well as I have already alluded to, I haven't been out much the past week, but Heavenly Father hasn't forgotten me and continues sending His tender mercies on my behalf.  Have any of us ever felt like a trial was just too long or just too hard? Have we ever felt like we pray and pray and pray, yet we don't feel the Spirit?  We feel as if the Heavens have forgotten us and we are simply the butt of a cruel joke.  Perhaps selfish me is the only one to feel that way, but I'm working to overcome that and the Lord is helping me.  In a time and place where all I want is to do God's will and serve His children it seems cruel to spend so much time sick with something I don't understand.  But these last two weeks have given me the opportunity to realize that God's will is not my own and I need to change my will to meet His.  Prayer doesn't mean getting what WE want, it means coming to understand what God wants for us.  It means staying on our knees til we have exhausted our fears and frustrations and give ourselves to God, only then do we find peace.  Of course peace doesn't guarantee answers, but it allows us to find perspective.  I invite you all to review Pres Eyring's talk from conference about pavilions, he does a much better job than I at addressing doing God's will.  But if I may I would like to share some scriptures Heavenly Father sent my way when I felt not too great.
   D&C 98: 1-3, 8, 11-13, 14
1 Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;  2 Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.
 3 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.    8 I, the Lord God, make you free, therefore ye are free indeed; and the law also maketh you free.
 11 And I give unto you a commandment, that ye shall forsake all evil and cleave unto all good, that ye shall live by every word which proceedeth forth out of the mouth of God.
 12 For he will give unto the faithful line upon line, precept upon precept; and I will try you and prove you herewith.
 13 And whoso layeth down his life in my cause, for my name’s sake, shall find it again, even life eternal.
 14 Therefore, be not afraid of your enemies, for I have decreed in my heart, saith the Lord, that I will prove you in all things, whether you will abide in my covenant, even unto death, that you may be found worthy.
  I know that God loves us, He answers all of our prayers, just like He promised, I mean look I prayed for meekness and he sent me a forever long illness.  Sometimes we pray so hard and so long we forget to listen, we forget that the Spirit offers peace.  It is my hope and prayer for all of us that we will find peace as we serve others in acts great or small and as we seek to do God's will whether it seems logical or not. Being sick for weeks, doesn't make sense to me, but God has a purpose.
  I know my Father lives and loves me.  I know His son is my Savior and that as I use the Atonement I can change to become like them.  I don't wish for trials to be removed, for any of us, but I shall pray that we receive the strength and wisdom to bear them well.
This is my hope and prayer, Love Chi Dao