Why I love Kampuchea

Dear Family and those I love

   Due to the request of Jennifer and based upon a promise that I made to you all I would like to share why I love Kampuchea (Vietnamese word for Cambodia) so much.

  It is amazing how your reaction to a place changes over time and how something so foreign can become home. When I first arrived in Cambodia I was shocked by the traffic (motos weaving in and out of traffic, cars driving up the wrong side of the road, pedestrians walking bravely through terrifying traffic without even blinking) I was disgusted by the smell, a combination of rotten garbage, road kill and decaying body waste and overwhelmed by the masses of people zipping past that I couldn't communicate with.  Then of course came the shock of seeing little kids running through the streets naked, people showering under their house with buckets of rain water, then biking through horrendous humidity or pouring rain storms.  Then one day completely unexpected Cambodia became home.  I loved the thrill of biking through traffic, waving at people who ran shops on street corners, going shopping at Lucky's (an international supermarket where you can find almost anything in a hit and miss sort of a way), attending church in a language I didn't yet understand, but realizing that the Spirit truly is universal.  Soon came that Cambodia was simply home and that Newton was the dream.  It took a lot more for me to realize that Cambodia was still foreign, moments like finding a dead cockroach in your bleach water or finding kim chi in Arona mart for really cheap. I think my favorite oh wow moment was seeing a tire swing made out of a wooden seat and tire for the rope part.

  First off I love Kampuchea because of the people.  I love my zone so much, there are under 30 Vietnamese missionaries in the world and about half of them serve in Cambodia and I was blessed to be part of that number.  It means you serve with those people for long periods of time and you see them every Tuesday and most often more often.  Serving in Cambodia is unlike serving anywhere else in the world, which you can say about each individual mission.  My zone's experience is so unique because we spoke a language different than the language of the country which we couldn't communicate in (unless you are Anh Ca Tu who is a wizz with the language), we were searching for people who for the most part didn't want to be found because they didn't want to admit they were Vietnamese, our main work was branch building, we always tried to find investigators, but even more important was making sure the investigator had a fully functioning branch to attend.  Some weeks it felt like we spent more time doing visiting teaching members than finding people to teach.  During December when every member of our zone except for three people were sick we had a training in district meeting about staying home and resting if we didn't feel well so that we could heal faster and get back to work.  In such an unconventional place as this friendships among the missionaries are built quickly and very strong, by the time I left we were meeting at the mission home most P-days so we could share stories.

  I think an unexpected thing I came to love was the traffic itself.  It helps that the most recent part riding in Phnom Penh happened during their winter, which means it is only 80* instead of 97*+, believe me there is a huge difference and my body felt it.  Okay so that speaks more to the riding my bike part so I'll take a quick random tangent on that before I head to riding through traffic. It is an interesting thing to ride through crazy Cambodia traffic on a three speed bike (I was one of few people who actually had a multiple speed bike, which came in handy when I was getting my calves kicked trying to go over huge bridges.

The sand or huge rocks on the road made for an interesting time riding and either made your legs or back side tired depending on what you were trying to ride through. The open sewer canal in Branch 6 always had me afraid my bike would lose control and I would end up taking a sewer swim, thankfully I never did.  I loved the freedom of National Road 5 and the tall buildings of the city where I could get awesome echoes when I would sing Christmas songs in full voice.  Now for the traffic part. Traffic in Cambodia is insane, but amazing.  As I already mentioned cars go the wrong way on the street all the time, even on one way streets, then add motos queing up at traffic lights, huge trucks, little cars, bikes and pedestrians all trying to go about their business and you get sheer chaos.  The first time I got on a bike there my arms and shoulders were shaking so bad I couldn't ride in a straight line.  The office elders told Elder Westover that a bike was having a problem, Elder Westover asked if it was the bike or the rider :-).  Thankfully after that first ride into terror, things greatly improved.  In fact by the time I left my native companions who were on bikes for 18 months and were essentially bike ninjas were telling me canh thanh (careful).  Mind you I wasn't trying to be stupid or a thrill seeker, it's just sometimes my distance perception where other vehicles were concerned was a bit off.
  
  Also on my favorites list was Vietnamese food and learning how to cook it.  Yes I do know how to cook, but pot roast and mash potatoes are a whole lot different than chicken and ginger congee and stir fry.  When I first arrived in country I tried to cook western, partly because I missed it so much and partly because my Vietnamese and Hmong roomates wanted to see what western food tasted like.  But after experiencing how expensive western is and how hard it is to make things when you only have Asian supplies had me learning to cook Vietnamese really fast. I love Vietnamese food, partly because it tastes like American Asian food, but better.  We use a whole lot of garlic, fish sauce, oyster sauce and chicken powder.  My favorite dishes have become pineapple chicken, fried noodles and a cucumber tomato salad with garlic, vinegar and fish sauce.  I could live on those things for the rest of my life and die happy, mind you, the chicken powder is rather hard to come by, but as I sit and write this I find myself craving that food and I might need to take a trip into town for some noodles and pineapple :-).  I am so grateful to my companions who were so patient with me in the learning process.  Of course sometimes it just involved telling me to go for it and try my best, and as I did that they never complained if the food didn't quite turn out the most delicious (mostly I ran into the problem of too bland or too salty, I learned the need of tasting your food as you go).  It all paid off by the end of my mission though, I can cook most things Vietnamese, now I just need to teach myself pot roast again.

My favorite part of my mission will always be the people.  I was blessed to meet so many people with so much faith to face so many trials and still be willing to laugh and smile.  I loved learning the language so that I could come to know them and share my love with them. In the MTC I was shocked by my lack of knowledge of Asia (let's face it, Chi Hoa was an Asia expert and Chi Hien was Asian, I didn't stand a chance) I was overwhelmed by the language and the changes that were coming and I told Chi Hoa I wanted to love the people like she did.  As I prepared to leave and come home my heart was breaking that I had to say goodbye to the people who live in my heart (Skype just isn't the same as seeing them everyday and giving them a hug) and I asked Chi Hoa where this love had come from, she told me that because I had sought for it and prayed it was given to me in full measure. I testify that God truly does answers the desires of our hearts, especially if it is for greater love. I loved every person I met, but Chu Ni and Co Xoa, Co Nuong, Em Nhi, Em Vi, Em Thi and Chi Tra, Anh Vu and Chi Khia will always mean the world to me.  They opened up their hearts and their lives to a girl who couldn't even speak their language yet, but had oh so much love to share, I'm thankful they let it in.  I will always remember when Chu Ni acted as translator for me the first time I met Chu Tich Kiet  (keep in mind I had only met Chu Ni two days before). Or seeing Anh Vu coming to church all dressed up my last Sunday in Branch 6.  I also love Chi Thuy, she is a 47 year old sister we should call Co (aunt) but she calls herself em (little sister) so we meet in the middle and call her chi (older sister). She is such a sweet heart, she loves the missionaries and loves serving the Lord.  I didn't realize how much I missed her until I received a phone call from her this morning.  I'm in shock that money for her is so tight, but she called internationally so she could talk to me and tell me she missed me. Heavenly Father loves a cheerful heart, he must really love her.  Also the faith of Co Nguyet, she lost her home to a fire while having just found out she had stomach cancer, yet she still fulfills her calling and loves the missionaries, what a dear sweet woman she is.

 I think these paragraphs mostly cover my love of Kampuchea, but if any other questions arise please find me on facebook, leave a comment or ask me in person. I love the Lord for giving me the opportunity to open my heart to a people and culture that seemed so foreign and are now so dear to my heart. I love the time I have when I can chat with them on facebook or over skype and for the blessing my mission is to prepare me for the life Heavenly Father now has for me.  I know He loves us and he has a plan which will bring us the most joy in this life and the life to come.  I hope this week is amazing for each of us.
                                                                                              All my love Chi ca Dao :-)

Tai Sao di ve nha (why I came home)

Dear Family and those I love,

   There have been some questions about what is going on and why I am currently residing back in Cache Valley instead of Cambodia.  Well I promised a debriefing and I will try to do my best to explain the process of this missionary coming home and continuing the work of Heavenly Father here.

   First I want to say that my mission in the Cambodia Phnom Penh mission was the most amazing thing of my life, I have made friends and done things I never could have imagined.  I have given my life into the keeping of my Heavenly Father and have come to realize that if I do not follow His guidance my life is nothing. He can make me so much more than I can be by myself.  It is an amazing thing to know that even though compared to God we are nothing, to Him we are everything.  He truly is in the details of our lives and He desires our ultimate happiness.  Leaving Cambodia is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, I love the members, the investigators I was working with and the elders and sisters of my zone.  I have learned so much as I have struggled to share the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ in Vietnamese, and it was always worth it.  I learned how to love in a way I never knew before and I have learned more about the Atonement than I ever thought I could, I've learned how it applies to others and more importantly how it applies to me.  Now I feel it is time that I explain why I left this country and situation that I love so much.

  First, know that I came home because I wanted to do Heavenly Father's will for me.  I have had people on multiple continents fasting and praying for me for two months, I have gone to doctors all around South East Asia, I mean I went to Thailand, you don't usually do that, I did everything so I could figure out what was wrong with me and so I could stay serving the people I love.  But there comes a time when you know the answer to all the prayers and all the fasting is simply, "no I have a different plan for you". That plan is coming home and preparing for the next stage of life.  But before I get to that, let me explain the last nine weeks.

   So just before Christmas time Thursday Dec 21 to be exact Chi Ly and I had weekly planning then headed out for some lessons in Branch 3, by that night I had a killer head ache and was really dizzy.  I spent three days down and out until Christmas Eve and Christmas.  For Christmas Eve we painted a school and aside from sitting down often Christmas Eve and Christmas were amazing.  I loved painting, the packages were wonderful and I was so excited to sing that night for the devotional, I will always love Mary's Lullaby and Picture a Christmas.  Then after Christmas things fell apart a bit.  I realized after a week or two that my life was falling into a pattern.  I would have three good days where I could proselyte, help the zone and function as a missionary, then I would have four down days where my head hurt so bad I didn't step out of the house, or I could only pull half days. We could always do some good somewhere, just in unexpected ways.  After four weeks of trying to work things out and visiting Chi Hoa's apartment twice Sis Moon and I knew things couldn't continue as they were, so I sat and talked with Pres Moon and Sis Moon, I was given two options either go home in a week for an MRI and see if we could figure something out and get me cured or go to Thailand for an MRI and see what happened.  I wish I could share what a rollercoaster I was on that weekend as I pondered my options and asked the Lord what He had for me.  As I pondered I knew Thailand was where I needed to go and as I pondered I saw a bit of my future as well.  I'm grateful that Heavenly Father doesn't leave us alone or comfortless in the big changes of our lives. Well I was pronounced "one with a beautiful brain" and sent back to Cambodia. All the doctors just told me to adjust the best I could and continue working. It wasn't until a week later that I ended up on the floor leaning on the couch in the mission home that Pres Moon knew something needed to change and before too much longer.  I spent that week end fasting (well I'm sure most of us did) so that I would know what I needed to do and how to proceed.  I went forward with the desire to stay in the field, work with the people I love.  But that weekend I came to realize Heavenly Father had a change in plans in store for me.  So I talked with Pres Moon and we both decided that we felt at peace with the decision to send me home.  I know that faith can and does move mountains, it's just sometimes it moves the mountains we aren't expecting. 

  Since first getting sick before Christmas I have had numerous people tell me I needed to get better so I didn't get sent home or so that I wouldn't be transferred state side, interestingly, that never crossed my mind.  I was a Cambodia Phnom Penh missionary and that was it.  Then in my pre transfers interview with Pres Moon we talked about accepting all the options Heavenly Father gives us, not just the ones we want. We also talked about knowing that the answers we receive are from Heavenly Father.  In that conversation we talked about how peace is good, but being excited is also good.  When we accept God's will we find excitement in planning for the future.  Ever since getting the answer that it was time for me to come home, that I couldn't heal in Cambodia, I have felt like a bad missionary, that I could find excitement in the future Heavenly Father has for me, but at long last I realize, this excitement is simply a blessing so that I can prepare myself for the future, or the pre-prepared plan Heavenly Father has for me.  I didn't come home because I wanted to, but because I felt I needed to.  Faith moved mountains and I thank you for all of your support, fasting and prayers because the mountain I needed to move was one of feeling peace at coming home.  Cambodia changed my life, things happened there I will never forget, but now, earlier than expected is the time that I need to be here and apply the things Heavenly Father has taught me.  I promise that Heavenly Father answers every prayer, sometimes the answer is no, but only because there is a greater yes in the future.  I know Heavenly Father called me to Cambodia for a reason and I know He has called me back home for a reason.  I have had time to grieve over opportunities that will feel like they were lost in Cambodia, but I know Heavenly Father plans everything.  I will have every opportunity in this life I need in order to become the person I need to be and to find ultimate happiness. 

  In the MTC I made goals for myself when I thought about the kind of person I wanted to be when I finished my mission.  My expectation for myself was that I would always seek the inspiration of the Spirit and follow it in order to bless the lives of the people whom God said needed help. Perhaps after all I have become the missionary I was intended to be.  Just because I have been released doesn't mean my mission is over, Heavenly Father still has much service for me to render and much for each of us to do.  I hope that we will all always listen to the voice of the Lord, no matter what is asked for I promise the only peace and joy found in this life comes when we heed that Spirit and build God's kingdom His way.

   I love you all and thank you for your love and support, it means so much to me. If anyone has questions feel free to ask in the comments, we learn more from the experiences of life as we share them, thank you for sharing yours with me and letting me share mine with you.  As Cambodia gets farther away, I will have more cultural things to share, so keep checking and we might keep learning together. 

                                                           Love Chi Dao

1 Ne 20:10  The Lord truly does refine us.  This life is a maze and God always keeps his promises.

 

 

Chicken Racks

Dear Family,
   I really should send pictures so Mom and Dad know the person they are looking for when I get off the airplane, but I always like surprises and I think this one will be great.  I can't believe that I am finishing my service as a full time missionary in the Kingdom of God, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, there is still work for me to do and weak knees that need lifting.  I know that we are given experiences in life which prepare us for life to come.  I remember writing an email a while ago that Heavenly Father never sends us a trial He hasn't prepared us for, He is preparing me.  I was going to write cultural things down, but time is short and I need to go to lunch with my mission president, I really shouldn't be late.  So instead I will save my thoughts about Cambodia for next week (sorry to keep dragging things out) but I think it will be better to get some perspective before I write,
  I end my last email to you all from Cambodia, with my testimony:
    I know that Heavenly Father called me here for a reason, I don't understand all of them yet, but I have a really good guess about a couple of them.  There were people I taught, people I came to love and a lot I learned about myself.  If anyone ever wonders if they should serve a mission, or serve the Lord in general, do it.  You learn more about your relationship with your Father in Heaven and Savior as you serve than you will in any other way. You learn how to see bigger pictures and do more good than your own efforts can do.  Please know that I know I'm not perfect, and receiving peace from Heavenly Father that you are doing His will, doesn't make you perfect, but it does help you move forward, even if things don't make sense.  There truly is a special feeling which comes when you know somehow you are helping Heavenly Father fulfill His purposes.  I know my Savior lives, that He suffered in the Garden of Getheseme so that He could always know how to help me smile.  I know that Heavenly Father wants all of us to find happiness in this life, that is what His Gospel is for, so we learn good habits, repent, receive the Holy Ghost, gain instructions for our last happiness and obtain salvation.  This Gospel is good and better than that it is true.  I have seen the power of the Atonement change lives, I hope we always let it change ours.  May we all serve God and find his peace in this life is my hope and prayer,
Chi Dao signing off.

A tennis racket to a baptism, only in Cambodia

Dear Family and Those I love,
    For those who don't know I will be saying hello to Cache Valley in a weeks time.  It was been such a long process, I have seen the Lord's hand every step of the way.  He has purposes that we cannnot even fathom and I'm excited to see what the next purposes will be.  In the last months of my mission I have learned what the Atonement truly  can be in our lives, true I don't know how it works or why it can does the things that it does, but I know it works.  My new constant motto, I literally use every day, whether I am exhausted on a bike or if I am laying in bed wanting to give up, just because I feel useless as a missionary and I remember D&C 1, God gave the weaknesses he gave us because he knows how to work with them and use them, here is the motto: "Work within the parameters you have, trusting that the Atonement of Jesus Christ can and will fill the gap""
   It is no accident my mission president talks about the Atonement, I share his words with you.  Be sure to read the whole thing, my meager words are at the end....

The Continuous Atonement

I have been thinking a lot recently about the atonement and wanted to share some of my thoughts with you.  The Atonement as a principles and doctrine is as key and important as any we teach—we talk about the importance of the doctrine of Christ—well the atonement is part of that—it is the atonement that makes the doctrine of Christ possible!  Without the atonement there would be no doctrine of Christ.  Faith, repentance, baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost—none of it would have any meaning or help or power in our lives were it not for the Savior’s death and resurrection and redeeming grace. The whole plan of salvation hinges on the atonement!!  The “at-one-ment” that takes place as we progress from fallen mortality to being clasped in the Lord’s arms and one with Him.  The temple teaches us beautifully about this progression and the key importance of the atonement that enables it.  Only through His grace and by coming unto Him are we able to enter the kingdom of God—sanctified, purified, holy, and clean.

How important is it for our investigators and recent converts to understand deeply the meaning and importance and power of the atonement in their lives?  Incredibly important!!  How well do we understand the atonement ourselves?  How well are we able to teach others about it and help them access its power in their lives?
 
When I ask missionaries what they are studying in their personal study or what they would like to understand better, the atonement is often the first answer they give.

 It’s fairly straightforward to teach that Jesus Christ suffered and died for us, and took upon Himself our sins, so that we can be clean.  But do our investigators really understand how someone dying on a cross 2000 years ago makes a difference today in their life?  Do they really get how Christ’s death and resurrection in a faraway land so long ago can make a HUGE difference in their life today and motivate them to unwavering faith, sincere repentance, and a lifelong commitment to make and keep sacred covenants with God?

 How about in your life as a missionary?  Do you really understand how the atonement can help you every single day of your mission, and its importance for the rest of your life?

 Have you ever done something you have regretted?  Have you ever regretted not doing something you should have done? Maybe losing patience with your companion last night?  Or that person you didn’t stop to talk to yesterday that you know you should have?  That moment when teaching yesterday when you let your mind wander and so you didn’t have anything helpful to share when it was your turn to talk in the lesson?  Have you ever tried and failed?  Or failed to try?

 Life is an incredibly risky business.  In a million different ways, every single day, we fall short.  Even when we are trying our best.  It is precisely for that reason that the atonement is so needed, so important, so relevant in our lives every single minute.  It is something we need continuously.  It is what keeps us from being a prisoner to our past.  It keeps us from being consumed with regret and hand-wringing sorrow about all the things we didn’t do exactly right.  It allows us to face the future without fear and worry.  It gives us room to breathe, to live, to act, to try, to FAIL!  The whole POINT of this life is that we are here to learn from our mistakes!  Without an understanding of the atonement our regrets about the past mistakes we have made and our worries about the future can pile up so fast and heavy on top of us that our ability to live joyfully in the present is buried.  The atonement allows us to let go of those regrets, lay our past sins and mistakes at Jesus’ feet, face the future without fear or worry (even though we know we are going to make more mistakes and have more regrets), and keep moving forward.

The author of a recent article I read made the important observation that too often when we are dealing with a trial, with affliction, with difficulty or challenge in our life, we immediately want the Lord to SOLVE IT—to fix it, to take away the challenge.  To change the situation—quick Lord—get me out of here!  Take away this trial!  Make it go away!  That is usually the type of prayer we are prone to offer.  We want a miracle to change everything around us or everyone else or the situation we find ourselves in.  The Lord came to deliver and redeem His people from their sins!  Not change their circumstances!  The ancient Israelites couldn’t conceive of a Messiah who would come but not deliver them from political bondage to the Romans.  They didn’t want someone to free them from being a slave to their appetites and sins and weaknesses.  They wanted someone to free them from slavery and political bondage!  They wanted out of their circumstance!  But the Lord didn’t come to change their external circumstances or environment.  He came to change THEM!  To change their hearts!  It is the same with us—through the atonement WE are changed—not our circumstances.  We need to help our investigators realize that!   When their hearts are filled with faith, humbled to the point of repentance, committed to keeping promises with the Lord, and filled with the Holy Spirit—then they will be able to let go of the regrets and grudges and anger about the past and everyone else.  That’s when they will be able to face the future with hope and love and without worry or fear!  That’s when they will no longer be trapped and acted upon by the adversity and sorrow and pain of life, but instead be free to act with forgiveness and love and hope and faith!  Regardless of whether their external circumstances, income, or trials change or not!  Regardless of whether or not their spouse still treats them bad.  Regardless of whether or not they still haven’t found a job.  They will have changed inside.  That’s the power of the atonement.   That’s the difference it makes in their lives.  The atonement doesn’t make it so everything around us is right and fair and easy.  It allows us to live and love DESPITE the fact that probably the person we are trying to love will still not love us back.  DESPITE the fact that we are going to fail again!  Because of the atonement we can take the risk of trying, of failing, of loving, of living!  Does everybody need that?  Do we need that every single minute of this incredibly risky mortal life that we are in the middle of?  Absolutely!  We need it continuously!

 Preach My Gospel states, “As we rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain.  We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation.”  It doesn’t say He will take away our trials, sicknesses, and pains!  It says He can help us endure them!, And fill us with joy and peace and consolation despite the external circumstances we find ourselves in.  Is the power to live life with joy and peace and consolation, despite all that is unfair, a valuable thing for our investigators?  You bet it is!  Worth more than all the gold and silver in the world.

 How do we rely on the Atonement?  Here are a few suggestions:
 
Quit beating yourself up.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.  It’s like we think it’s ok for everyone else to repent and change but we know ourselves too well.  We know our weaknesses.  We can’t understand how it is possible to move past them.  We’ve lived with them a long time!  But the fact is the Lord has already suffered for your sins.  So that you DON’T HAVE TO!  Stop inflicting emotional and unrelenting pain and shame and guilt on yourself and realize your beating yourself up is not going to gain you access into some kind of hall of fame of self-induced punishment and win you eternal merit.  All it does is delay your ability to progress.  Quit beating yourself up.

 Instead of praying to change your circumstance, pray to change your heart, your attitude, yourself.  Instead of asking for the Lord to take away whatever your current trial or challenge is, pray that He will give you peace and consolation and strength to endure it well and transcend it.  The atonement is about overcoming.  The Savior helps us overcome sin and death.  He also helps us overcome our trials and our pain and our regrets and weaknesses.
 
Let the atonement shield you from heartache.  In a thousand different ways every day we unknowingly, and knowingly, hurt, offend, or annoy other people.  And they do it to us.  When it happens to you, rely on the atonement—hand it over to Him.  Pretend someone is handing you some slimy, stinky garbage.  Do you want to keep it and sleep with it and rub your nose in it time and time again and keep it in your pocket and pull it out every few hours and gaze at it?  NO!  Immediately imagine yourself handing it right over to the Savior—here, Lord, you take this one—I don’t want to keep it.  He’s already dealt with it—He knows it, He has seen it before, He had already overcome it.  Let Him have it.  Don’t keep it.   And if you are knowingly giving garbage to someone else, stop it!

Take the risk to be better than you think you are.  Better than you were yesterday.  The atonement provides the hope and promise of being able to try even when you think it is beyond your ability or nature.  The atonement lets you spread your wings and fly.  Even when you are not sure you even know how.  It shatters the chains of self-doubt and self-imposed limitations that would otherwise keep us grounded. Because the atonement makes it possible to try, and try again.  To risk extending love to someone else even if they don’t give it back.

Finally, let it stoke the fire of faith inside you so that you can repent and change.  Amulek taught that the atonement “bringeth about means unto men that they may have faith unto repentance.” (Alma 34:15)  The little engine that could didn’t get to the top of the hill by saying “I don’t think I can, I don’t think I can.”  Let the atonement give you the means you need to have faith enough to repent and change.  Study the Book of Mormon and let it build your faith that the Lord Jesus Christ is indeed our Savior, Redeemer, and Deliverer.  As that faith builds, it will be “faith unto repentance.”  Picture yourself adding wood to the bonfire of faith in your soul every time you study the word.  As the fire becomes hotter it will purge and burn out the desire to do wrong, it will purify you “life a refiner’s fire” and the heat of that fire of faith will keep away the wolves of temptation and sin.

A deep and true understanding of the atonement can help an offended member move past the grudges, the offenses, the hurt of the past.  A deep and true understanding of the atonement can help a young single adult member filled with anxiety and worry about their future take the risk of asking that special someone to date them or marry them, even though they know neither of them are going to be perfect for each other and they don’t know how they are going to survive financially.  A deep and true understanding of the atonement can help a mother try and try again to repair a relationship with a wayward teenager, even when it seems never to help.  A deep and true understanding of the atonement can help a missionary move past regrets about the past, or fear of failure, and find joy in the glorious present opportunity to testify of the Savior and His power in our life.
 
The atonement is the source and wellspring of our faith.  It is the compelling reason to continue to repent.  It is the motivation to make and keep covenants with God.  It calms our fears and allows the Spirit to fill our hearts.  It is the power to endure every trial and temptation.  It is the rock upon which we build our life.  It is the doctrine of Christ.  Teach it to those you are called to serve.  Rely upon it yourself.  Continuously.

I bear testimony that the atonement of Jesus Christ is real and powerful and available to all.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Thank you for sharing these adventures with me.  This week will be the last opportunity you have to write to this missionary, take advantage of it, if you want. 
Chelsey could we watch the Adventures of Tin Tin, in two weeks?
Natalie I look forward to seeing you and having a very nice long, long chat :-)
For whatever reason I can't fathom my work now, here is done, but knowing we have God's blessing on our efforts, always makes it worth the efforts, my prayer is that we always have that greatest comfort in our lives, knowing we did what we did for the right reason, the right way with the help of God.  This is the purpose of our life here. I love you all, God be with you til we meet again.  Stayed tuned for my last mission post next week. 
Love Chi Dao

House or airport? :-)

Which Moroni?

Dear Family and those I love,
   I apologize outright that this email will be incredibly short, please know that I love and care about all of you, it is simply that sometimes time gets away from you especially as a missionary.
   There are two thoughts I would like to share with you and then my testimony.  First "The Lord loves a cheerful heart-- He must love you a whole lot" I hope that this can always be said of all of us.  This life sends us all so many unexpected things and challenges whether it be loss of a job, a car accident, a bike accident, learning a new language, paying rent, sharing the gospel with a neighbor or facing decisions we would rather not face.  All of these things might cause us to wonder what pavilion is hiding the Lord, but I like Pres Eyring say that the only pavilion covering anybody is the one covering us.  We don't know what things are part of God's plan for us, whether it be going to Cambodia to see naked children in the streets, learning a new language and not being able to communicate or staying home to face more normal things that are adventures in and of themselves.  Whatever our challenge might be I know that Heavenly Father places them in our path so that we can learn and grow.  Also this life and especially something this mission is teaching me is that we are not here just to make good choices, we are also here to show that we can make those good choices well.  Are we going through the things of this life with a grimace or a smile?  Oh trust me I know that smiling all the time can be exhausting and isn't always appropriate, but I am curious if given a choice which expression comes easier to our faces? I hope it is the smile.
  Next thought, the past week has been a very full empty one, other than some visits to members and a really good lesson to Chi Phung our current investigator who loves the Book of Mormon, but after coming to part of sacrament meeting and leaving with fussy kids she hasn't come back.  Our first goal was learning if we could communicate with her and our next is to make sure she understands when we leave a commitment (I am so grateful for Chi Hoa who actually understands most of what is going on and if she doesn't asks the right questions to get the answers).  I am thankful for the opportunity I had to share my testimony of the Book of Mormon with her and help her understand a bit more about Nephi and the brass plates and why we need scriptures in our lives.  Anyway other than those visits and way too many hiccups in Zone Training we spent most of the weekend in doors.  In the process Chi Hoa and I got out the white board and made plans for the transfer and our goals and she reminded me of something in our in field orientation session at the MTC.  She quoted our main man and said "be the kind of missionary that matches your expectations of what a missionary should be" how often do we set expectations for ourselves?  I know we have plenty of expectations in our lives, but I promise the only ones that matters are the Lord's expectations and the expectations we receive from the Spirit for ourselves.
   I know my Heavenly Father lives and loves me.  I know that He has a pre-prepared plan for each of us to find eternal joy.  I know that as we follow His plan for us we will have experiences we never expected and do more with our lives than we can by ourselves.  I know my Savior lives and he loves all of us.  He suffered the Atonement for each of us that he might know our experiences and our weaknesses personally.  Because of the Atonement he knows how to help us smile, no matter the situation.  So I leave a commitment for all of us, I am a missionary after all.  It goes back to thought number one.  Heavenly Father loves a cheerful heart, so my hope is that this week no matter what may come, we will have faith and hope in our Savior to smile and share the joy of the Gospel with those around us.
   I love you all, have a truly fabtabulous week
Chi Dao
P.S Remember that every trial is an answer to a prayer, to help us gain a Christlike attribute we are seeking.

White Handbook Says What?

Dear Family and those I love,
   To answer my own question, this is what it says on page 6 "Never leave the boundaries of your mission unless your mission president authorizes you to travel outside the boundaries for a specific assignment."  Well transfers got a little crazy this week and Chi Hoa and I received a special assignment to go to the Bangkok General hospital to find my central nervous system and to observe a Christian chapel in Bangkok.  As a side note the chapel was really weird, it had three ottomans against the wall, with a priest's robe on a headless mannequin and disturbing pictures on a shrine.  I am so thankful for my understanding of prayer that I know He knows me and delights to answer my prayers no matter where I offer them at.
  Okay so in all seriousness, for those who aren't in the know, I really seriously did go to Thailand and I really did wander around in the Bangkok General hospital for over 12 hours, but it was for a really good reason.  I really don't know how to explain the emotional roller coaster I went through as I faced two doctor's consultations and the fact that an MRI was supposed to be scheduled for me, but I didn't exist in their computers.  Then to add to the fact the two doctors I talked to never actually talked to me, but instead came to two rather hasty conclusions, one that I have a medication over use head ache (which I don't by the way, Chi Hoa and I have both done the math and I haven't taken ibuprofen or tylenol consistently enough in order to get one of those) or that I simply have a head ache because my neuron transmitters got messed up because of a virus and I should be put on anti-depressants to rewrite them (so the first part might be true, my brain is fine structurally, and Chi Hoa says my brain is beautiful with clear ridges and everything, so it really is just a head ache) but anti-depressants aren't the answer and after coming back from Thailand I know as little as when I started.  How many people get to leave their country during their mission, fly to a world renowned hospital in Thailand, get a picture taken of their brain, at less than half the cost of a hospital in the states, then fly back before the week was over and then still have not moved from your old area to your new one. 
  So let's back up in the story a bit, around Christmas time I got sick and I've stayed that way.  The variables have changed, but the head ache has always stuck around.  After five weeks of pulling half days and half the time no work days and two weekends under house arrest with Chi Hoa at the branch 10 house (you see Heavenly Father is so kind to me, he always gives me forwarnings of where I will live and who my companion will be, I like that) Pres and Sis Moon said that enough was enough and I had a choice, go to Salt Lake for an MRI or go to Thailand.  Well I didn't necessarily think that anything was wrong with the structure of my brain, but after three doctors saying the word tumor, I thought some reassurance could be nice, the great news of everything is that I don't have a tumor.  Thailand was the perfect option it was close to Phnom Penh and we could do a day trip (or so we thought) and I could still come back to do the work while the powers that be look at pictures.  So last Monday President, Sister Moon and I decided Thailand, and when things are decided here, things go really fast.  By next day Chi Hoa and I had the news to pack our bags and go to Thailand.  So Wednesday morning we took a plane to Thailand, where we found out we have senior couples in Burma and Laos, Thailand is much more advanced than Cambodia, my zone is very special because we only have one zone leader who trains, Thailand actually has real mattresses and Cambodia is really special, all the way from our monthly baptismal goals (which only sort of exist in the Viet zone) and the fact our zone leader trains.

Dear Family and those I love,
   I'm sorry for the cliff hanger, I was trying to save my draft and sent it instead... so back to the story
                           

        Cambodia really is special and I am so blessed to serve here.  So Wed. Chi Hoa and I went to a zone training, ate pay Thay and talked for hours that night because the international sisters can stay out late and we didn't have anything to do, we were in Thailand.  I was promised that Thailand would be satisfying and even though I still don't know what neurologists around the world don't know what think about my brain, everything happened just the way Heavenly Father intended it to work out.  That knowledge brought so much peace into my heart as I arrived at Bangkok bright and early only to find out there were no appointments for me and that I didn't have a flight to leave the country.  So many times that day with a head ache to beat the band and stress enough for two people I was blessed to know that my Savior knows how to help me.  Gethsemane was about Christ feeling my pain and feeling me reach my potential so he always knows how to help me smile.  Sure there was a time or two when I was just DONE, when we had to find a land line for an international call or when I didn't know how to handle unexpected costs or when I feared for a split second there really was something wrong with my brain or worse when I thought I learned there wasn't something wrong (imagine my surprise when Sis Moon found me after the whole experience and told me both doctors I talked to were up in the night) but even in the midst of being DONE, I never lost hope, I knew that I was in God's hands, I knew I could survive the day, I could see how funny it was that I had left my mission country for a picture of my brain that might not even happen and I saw the tender mercy that Heavenly Father sent me with Chi Hoa, not only did we have a lot of transfer (four to be exact since we were companions) news to catch up on, she is so diplomatic, kind, patient and adventurous that  I never felt alone and I never felt forsaken.
  Thankfully we had another flight the next morning, I found out I was really good at holding still (I did a complete MRI in 45 minutes) and we still made it home before transfers the next day so I could say good bye to Anh Ca Hoa Minh (our district leader going to Hanoi) and my mother and aunts (Chi Pham and Chi Ly finished their missions this last week).  I enjoyed my time in Thailand, even if I spent most of it in a hospital, but I learned they have really good food in the cafeteria. I enjoyed showering with a shower curtain and sleeping on a mattress and it was a thrill to be on a subway and travel between countries like a pro.  But mostly I learned that things don't really turn out like we expect them two, we wouldn't learn as much if they did.  I learned that my zone is special, what a joy it was to enter the mission home and seeing them waiting there for us, we had so much to share and they were so willing to cheer me up after a day or two of fiasco.  I am very thankful for President and Sis Senior (thai mission president) who took us out to dinner so they could learn about how Pres Moon runs things here and were kind enough to let us sleep at the mission condominium because they only have an office, not a home.  I am thankful for the many prayers that were given on my behalf.  I still don't have solid answers, but I know I am known and that God has a plan for me.
   Perhaps that was what Thailand was trying to teach me.  My whole mission I haven't been a typical missionary, never with numbers or experiences.  But coming to Cambodia wasn't about reaching my expectations, heck, I really didn't have a whole lot of them (Heavenly Father said, go to Cambodia, so I did) coming to Cambodia was about learning Heavenly Father's expectations for me and for his children and helping all of us meet our potential.  What a blessed opportunity it is to be a servant of the Lord to learn how to do His work his way.  I testify the only peace we find in this life is the peace that comes when we give our will to Heavenly Father and he makes us more than we are.  I love you all, I am thankful for this life and the opportunity I have to experience new things and have adventures.  I pray that you will be mindful of the tender mercies in your lives and that you know Heavenly Father loves you.
                                    Love 

                                   Chi Dao
P.S If you have any other specific questions about the adventures of the week, just email or dear elder.  Also due to the fact I was emotionally caught up in this I fear my story telling was pathetic.  So I will forward the email Chi Hoa is sending so you can get a full picture.  Jennifer please post her email as well.  

Love me
  

Email from Chi Hoa:

Things got a little crazy around transfers and Chi Dao and I ended up in Thailand. Along the way, we learned that we do actually have senior couples and branches in Laos and Myanmar, so the "not in Burma" comment on the Vietnamese lost sheep records had a bit more relevance than we thought.

The white handbook says to "never leave the boundaries of your mission unless your mission president authorizes you to travel outside the boundaries for a specific assignment." I never thought I would leave the Cambodia Phnom Penh Mission either with or without authorization before concluding my mission, but I haven't really had a normal missionary day since before Christmas, so being sent to Thailand wasn't too shocking. Of course, I was still rather surprised on Tuesday after district meeting when I was cutting cucumbers in the Westovers' kitchen with the APs and Sis. Westover came up to me and said, "You know you're going to Bangkok tomorrow morning, right?" My response was something along the lines of "...what?"

The best part was telling Anh ca Hoa Minh. He has a tendency to be very dramatic, so Chi Dao and I knew we had to tell him very carefully. He knew that something was up. After lunch and ice cream with our district on our last p-day together, we sat our district leader down and said something pretty close to the following: ''Anh ca Hoa Minh, you know that President called me two hours before the transfer call, right? And then he talked to Chi Dao this morning, which is why we were late. And you know that the Vietnamese branches here in Phnom Penh are struggling and Chu Tich Trieu has mentioned the possibility of integrating with the Khmer branches. You noticed they're sending a lot of people to Vietnam this transfer, right? There will be twenty-two Vietnamese-speaking missionaries in the mission, but seven of us can't go to Vietnam, so basically, they are sending everyone they possibly can to Vietnam, and they're trying to figure out what to do with the rest of us. I'm not really sure what's going on with the elders, but it's sounds like maybe Anh ca Tu will have a chance to use the Khmer he's been learning. They're trying to send Chi Hien somewhere she may be able to speak Hmong, and Chi Dao and I are going to Thailand."

He was really sad - really, really sad. We planned to meet up in Utah after our missions (he'll go to BYU; Chi Dao will go home and get married; Anh ca Minh will go for vacation; and I'll go to be with Jordy), and he wondered out loud if we could email each other since we were no longer in the same mission. That was when I realized he didn't know we were joking. The Viet branches are still here. They sent more elders to Vietnam this transfer because the mission is short on sisters. Anh ca Tu, Anh ca Canh, Anh ca Sang, and Anh ca Duy don't have to learn Khmer. We just pulled some disconnected facts together and embellished to make up a story for Anh ca Hoa Minh. He's the only one who fell for it.

Chi Dao and I really did go to Thailand though. Why? Well, the reason President, Sister Moon, and the area doctor in Hong Kong sent us to Thailand was to get an MRI of Chi Dao's brain because she's had a headache for five weeks. However, that is not why Heavenly Father sent us to Thailand because he already knew what the MRI told us: Chi Dao has a beautiful brain and there is nothing structurally wrong with it. When I had pneumonia and was forbidden to leave the house all weekend long, Chi Dao's head wanted to kill her, so we companion-sat each other for the weekend while our companions went out to do missionary work. Apparently we didn't learn what we were supposed to learn that weekend because he gave us another chance to companion-sit each other the following weekend. That was when I told her Monica and NaDene's story about being sick as missionaries in the Oklahoma Tulsa Mission. One day Monica got tired of it and exclaimed in exasperation, "We have been lying here for THREE DAYS!" Chi Dao and I could at that point claim, "We have been lying here for THREE DAYS...TWO WEEKENDS IN A ROW!" Despite that, we still hadn't learned what we were supposed to, so Heavenly Father sent us to Thailand where not even our companions, district leader, zone leader, or mission president's wife would interrupt because our phone from Cambodia doesn't work in Thailand (although Anh ca Tien, our zone leader, told us that he did try to call while we were gone, and we were grateful because we really missed talking to him and Anh ca Hoa Minh at the end of the day). Then Heavenly Father extended our trip in Thailand (our overnight trip became a ~3 day trip...THREE DAYS!), and we think we have finally have an idea of what to do this transfer now that we are companions for keeps and not just a weekend.

Chi Dao and I survived the MTC together, celebrated my birthday by eating raw salmon on a plane on the way to Hong Kong, and both had the privilege of serving with Chi Ly. We have been particularly good friends since sports day when we kicked around a soccer ball with one another. We were totally excited to go to Thailand together and joked that we were on a mission to retrieve her central nervous system (we had a joke about Sister Moon stealing it and sending it to Thailand without the rest of her when she sent the CT results a couple weeks earlier). Then we started talking on Wednesday morning in the Phnom Penh airport while waiting for our flight, and that conversation lasted until we landed in Phnom Penh again on Friday. We talked about callings, assignments, and what the Lord expects of us. Vietnamese-speaking missionaries in this mission don't quite do missionary work "normally" - either you're in Vietnam where you can't where tags or proselyte or you're in Cambodia where you look for lost people using only their name, birthday, and confirmation date. Now that Chi Dao has a chronic headache, we have to adapt even more, and we're hoping there's still a lot more Heavenly Father is going to reveal along the way, but at least now we have a much clearer idea of what our starting point is and what we have to work with. We have a lot of unanswered questions, but we are very excited and have high hopes for this transfer. When we were in Branch 3 yesterday, Anh ca Tu commented that we reminded him of Sister Sparks and Sister Bayles. "The personalities are different, but you're a couple of white girls out to save the world and have an adventure."

The Thailand Bangkok Mission took very good care of us. We had some interesting culture shock when we were expected to eat with Western utensils in stead of chopsticks. The subway, freeways, and numerous buildings over five stories tall were kind of appalling. They sent us to zone training (Bangkok West Zone) where we were astounded by...a lot of things. For example:
Me: "Who is your zone leader?"
Thai elder: "We have two."
Me: "You have two zone leaders?"
Thai elder: "Yes, they're companions."
Me: "Our zone leader's companion is his trainee."
Thai elder: "Zone Leaders can train?"
Me: "Well, he's been training for the past two transfers and he's about to train again for the next two. Both our district leaders are trainers too."
Thai elder: "Really?"

President and Sister Senior were extremely kind. They each spent some time chatting with us the first afternoon we were there. She gave us some money and told us to go buy chocolate and ice cream because we were going to need it. We stayed the night in the apartment of a sister missionary we met in the MTC and were further flabbergasted by the fact we were living on the 33rd floor of a huge apartment building, sleeping on mattresses, and showering with a shower curtain and warm water with effective water pressure.

The next day we were very grateful for the Oreos we bought out of obedience to Sister Senior. It was supposed to be a simple trip: show up at 7:45 am for the appointment, get and MRI, have a neurology consult, go see something cool in Bangkok, fly back to Phnom Penh in the afternoon. It didn't work like that. There was no appointment. They registered her as a walk-in, we waited for two hours, the first neurologist told Chi Dao she had a headache from taking ibuprofen (she had had the headache for two weeks before taking ibuprofen), they told us the first opening for an MRI was at 9 PM. Chi Dao was mad, so I had to handle communications. I told Chi Dao how to write out and HPI (history of the present illness) and had her do that while I talked to Sister Moon, talked to a translator, talked to the charge nurse, talked to the cashier, talked to the office couple in the Thailand Mission office, and of course talked a lot with Chi Dao. In one conversation with Sister Moon, she apologized profusely following the realization that she had sent us to Thailand without any money. We told her not to worry about it. Then we found out that Heavenly Father had extended our trip another day (our flight filled up and we were bumped to another flight the following day). In the end, Chi Dao finally got an MRI at 6 PM and a second neurologist said it looked fine and she just had a normal headache that could just as easily last five years as it had for the past five weeks. To top it all off, when we went back to the cashier, the receipt printer didn't work and we had to get creative with payment methods. Then the Seniors took us out for Indian food and had us tell them about the Cambodia Phnom Penh Mission. We stayed the night at their house so they could take us to the airport in the morning. Throughout the day, I had been giving Chi Dao motivational thoughts in the form of buttons (the kind with words or pictures on the front and a pin on the back) - and a lollipop I randomly found in my backpack just after she commented that she had been so good at the MRI she deserved one. They had been in the two-birthdays-and-one-

Christmas package Jordy sent me in the MTC and said things like "BE MIGHTY" and "HOPE" but at the end of the day, I still one left. I sat on the bed next to Chi Dao and told her it wasn't exactly applicable, but maybe it would help with perspective. Then I gave her Jordy's favorite button: "CANCER SUCKS."

Chi Hoa

You want me to do what

Dear Family and those I love,
  Thank you to all for the packages I continue to receive, the reindeer scissors were an especially nice touch and I got a good laugh from the eraser. The package from the group was the last I have received, but I look forward to receiving mom's letter with extras ;).  On that note, Natalie, could you send me the lyrics from Little Women (the fly far away) my brain has some lines from the chorus, but not the rest and I'm going insane not knowing how to finish it.
  What to say, what to say.  We received a fabtabulous blessing in the form of an investigator at church and two less actives.  Our investigator couldn't stay for everything because her daughter was putting up a riot, but when we visited after church Chi Phung said she was very excited to come next week and we are creating a plan so her kids will stay quieter.  It did my heart much good to see the blessings of Heavenly Father.  It has been hard not being able to function for most of this transfer and to feel like I had failed in my service as a missionary, but yesterday was a good reminder that Heavenly Father truly looks on the heart and knows of our desires.
  Speaking of desires, He is answering mine.  I've felt so useless with the language recently, so yesterday He gave me an opportunity to share my testimony and some experiences with two members who have been struggling just a bit.  Amazingly both people understood what I shared and I know I felt the Spirit confirming to me how much God loves them.  I'm grateful for every opportunity I have to share my testimony in Vietnamese, there is a power in it that I have never felt before, perhaps because I am just barely coming to understand how precious a testimony is.  Now for the other desire of my heart, I am being given a rather precious blessing.  I love all the branches, but I always felt like six weeks was too short a time to stay in any of them.  Considering I spent the last six weeks, dead, I feared where the Lord would put me.  In His infinite wisdom, He is giving me two branches for the price of one transfer.  Yes my dear family, this coming transfer, with the loss of four sister missionaries at once (all of whom honorably fulfilled their missions) Chi Hoa and I will be serving in both branch 10 and in Branch 3.  I am grateful Heavenly Father is giving me the opportunity to revisit the people I love in branch 10, while at the same time staying with the people I am coming to love in branch 3.  As my district leader told me last night (I was very excited and told him so with a large yahoo)" uh Chi Dao, you'll be covering two branches, you realize that right?" yes I realize that and I realize that makes for quite a lot of exercise on a bike, but I know the Lord qualifies and blesses those He calls.  I love the people in these two branches so much and I think my Vietnamese is even improving enough I can express that Love to them. I am so scared to have an American companion (not of Chi Hoa herself, we have spent the last two weekends companion-sitting with each other and I am so very VERY excited to serve with her, Heavenly Father has great things for us) because the members here struggle understanding American Viet, but the other wonderful blessing is they have spent the last 12 weeks listening to us (Chi Hoa spent the first 18 weeks in branch 3 and the last six weeks in branch 10 and I spent the last six weeks in branch 3 and before that in branch 10, so Heavenly Father has prepared everything to work) so hopefully they can understand us enough to listen to the Spirit.
  I apologize for that freakish run on paragraph, but that is where my heart is, so full and so excited.  I don't know what Heavenly Father has in store for us and I don't know how He'll do it, but I know He will.  I read Sis Linda Reaves' talk from the General Relief Society meeting, I suggest it to everyone.  I know that my Savior knows me and He will always give me comfort in times of trial and pain, I know because He already has.
  I love you all so very much and I hope this next week will be amazing for everyone. 
Love
Chi Dao
P.S  I wanted to send pictures of my adventures climbing "The mountain of 40 Buddhas" which really means foot hill here, but it was so much fun.  Anh Ca Sang found a young man to act as tour guide and we learned some new things.  I'll send pictures next week when I have a computer that likes USB ports.  Please don't let me forget.  Cambodia is beautiful and I want to share it with you.
P.P.S Dear Mom you are also beautiful, so will you share a picture of you?  How did the hair cut turn out?
      Well I am off to my last Pday with sister Ly,
Love me :-)

I Have Pictures of My Head in Bangkok

Dear Family,
   Well I feel like I could now write a book entitled "Life's Lessons Learned while I was lying Flat on my Back in Cambodia" I admit the title could use some reworking, but I feel like that pretty much sums up the last three weeks of my life.  Due to the fact I don't really have time for a book I shall instead record a list of things here.  If you have any questions please send an email or dear elder for greater explanation.
   1) After another weekend spent with Chi Hoa (she is quite a wonderful companion sitter :-) ) we have come to the conclusion that analyzing the attributes of God is sort of life a prism which refracts light.  Take for example the patience of God, the closer we look at it the more we see all the other attributes, so it is like shining a white light at a prism and having the rainbow (such as charity, humility, diligence) refracted out the other side.

 2) Opportunities to share the Gospel come in all shapes and sizes.  I find it interesting that most of my contacting actually occurs in English.  Like last week when my companion and I stopped at the U Care pharma for some Royal D (gaterade equivilant) and some vitamins for Chi Ly's hair we started talking to the Pharmacist.  A Cambodian who speaks wonderful english and who recognized we were Vietnamese because his father is Vietnamese.  I was able to share a lot about the Restoration as I answered his questions about Jehovah verses Jesus Christ and the bible.  It was so much fun to talk to him and really share what I believe. I also had the opportunity to share my testimony of the Word of Wisdom, in a small way.  When one of the doctors I visited told me to drink coffee and I told her no.

3) Last lesson, God truly is in the details of our lives and he has a plan for us.  He has so many gifts to give us, but it means putting aside our own will and doing his.  If we only follow the commandments or keep the covenants according to what we want, we aren't doing his will, we are just lucky what we want to do coincides with what he wants us to do.  The true test comes when we do what He asks even if it doesn't make sense.  So many times these last weeks I would pray to go out and proselyte and Heavenly Father told me no.  I don't know why, so instead I prayed to be an instrument in His hands anyway I could and He has utilized me in a myriad of ways.  Letting me share insights that came while I was flat on my back to a district leader in need, or trying to help a companionship in need of some TLC.  Perhaps these last weeks have been about learning to seek His peace and realizing that even without answers we can be at peace knowing we are doing the best we can.  I have learned that courage comes in so many forms for so many different reasons.  I wish I could explain what it is like to be a missionary and not teach, talk about depths of frustration, but I know I am in God's hands and I know when I trust His plan for me I have happiness no matter what.  I am excited to see what adventures God has in store for me this week.
 
  I am excited to meet Elder Jake Travis Barker who will be coming into our mission next week, for some reason I didn't realize he's a Viet, which means I'll see him every week for the rest of my mission at district meeting, this will be fun.
  I end with my testimony.  I know God knows us, I know every trial we receive is a blessing in disguise (for us and for others) and has come as an answer to a prayer.  I know the Atonement of Jesus Christ truly can make up for every injustice and that we can bring joy to everyone with this message, whether it is someone who has grown up with this knowledge or is learning it for the first time.  I know God hears every prayer of our hearts and He answers them.  My prayer is that you will feel his love for you this week.
                      Love Chi Dao

*For those that are curious about the post title she was taken to have a CT scan of her head to see if they could figure out what is causing her headaches. The images were sent to Bangkok. 

Happy New Year to all

Dear Family,
 I know I've been gone for quite awhile, but still.  Speaking of such in two days I will have been in the country since August 9 which is a month anniversary, will someone please do the math, my brain hurts trying to figure it out.
  Now I regret to inform you that I still don't know much about the branch here, other than the members are full of love and that the single adults love my hiccups, and that we lost our eternal investigator.  We haven't dropped him completely, but the Spirit told all three of us that Chu Hai has some decisions to make about whether he truly wants to change or if he wants to keep his pride and never accept that the Atonement can truly work for him.  I have never prayed about one thing so frequently in my life until meeting him and praying that he will accept the Atonement in his life.  Well I guess I also pray that the work in Vietnam will progress and we here in Cambodia welcome more prayers for that cause.  Thank you to all for praying for missionaries here in Cambodia and the many prayers on my behalf, I feel their power daily and find myself thanking Heavenly Father daily for your love and support in my life.
  Well as I have already alluded to, I haven't been out much the past week, but Heavenly Father hasn't forgotten me and continues sending His tender mercies on my behalf.  Have any of us ever felt like a trial was just too long or just too hard? Have we ever felt like we pray and pray and pray, yet we don't feel the Spirit?  We feel as if the Heavens have forgotten us and we are simply the butt of a cruel joke.  Perhaps selfish me is the only one to feel that way, but I'm working to overcome that and the Lord is helping me.  In a time and place where all I want is to do God's will and serve His children it seems cruel to spend so much time sick with something I don't understand.  But these last two weeks have given me the opportunity to realize that God's will is not my own and I need to change my will to meet His.  Prayer doesn't mean getting what WE want, it means coming to understand what God wants for us.  It means staying on our knees til we have exhausted our fears and frustrations and give ourselves to God, only then do we find peace.  Of course peace doesn't guarantee answers, but it allows us to find perspective.  I invite you all to review Pres Eyring's talk from conference about pavilions, he does a much better job than I at addressing doing God's will.  But if I may I would like to share some scriptures Heavenly Father sent my way when I felt not too great.
   D&C 98: 1-3, 8, 11-13, 14
1 Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;  2 Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.
 3 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.    8 I, the Lord God, make you free, therefore ye are free indeed; and the law also maketh you free.
 11 And I give unto you a commandment, that ye shall forsake all evil and cleave unto all good, that ye shall live by every word which proceedeth forth out of the mouth of God.
 12 For he will give unto the faithful line upon line, precept upon precept; and I will try you and prove you herewith.
 13 And whoso layeth down his life in my cause, for my name’s sake, shall find it again, even life eternal.
 14 Therefore, be not afraid of your enemies, for I have decreed in my heart, saith the Lord, that I will prove you in all things, whether you will abide in my covenant, even unto death, that you may be found worthy.
  I know that God loves us, He answers all of our prayers, just like He promised, I mean look I prayed for meekness and he sent me a forever long illness.  Sometimes we pray so hard and so long we forget to listen, we forget that the Spirit offers peace.  It is my hope and prayer for all of us that we will find peace as we serve others in acts great or small and as we seek to do God's will whether it seems logical or not. Being sick for weeks, doesn't make sense to me, but God has a purpose.
  I know my Father lives and loves me.  I know His son is my Savior and that as I use the Atonement I can change to become like them.  I don't wish for trials to be removed, for any of us, but I shall pray that we receive the strength and wisdom to bear them well.
This is my hope and prayer, Love Chi Dao