Dear Family and those I love,
There have been some
questions about what is going on and why I am currently residing back in
Cache Valley instead of Cambodia. Well I promised a debriefing and I
will try to do my best to explain the process of this missionary coming
home and continuing the work of Heavenly Father here.
First I want to say that my mission in the Cambodia Phnom Penh
mission was the most amazing thing of my life, I have made friends and
done things I never could have imagined. I have given my life into the
keeping of my Heavenly Father and have come to realize that if I do not
follow His guidance my life is nothing. He can make me so much more
than I can be by myself. It is an amazing thing to know that even
though compared to God we are nothing, to Him we are everything. He
truly is in the details of our lives and He desires our ultimate
happiness. Leaving Cambodia is one of the hardest things I have ever
had to do, I love the members, the investigators I was working with and
the elders and sisters of my zone. I have learned so much as I have
struggled to share the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ in Vietnamese,
and it was always worth it. I learned how to love in a way I never knew
before and I have learned more about the Atonement than I ever thought I
could, I've learned how it applies to others and more importantly how
it applies to me. Now I feel it is time that I explain why I left this
country and situation that I love so much.
First, know that I came home because I wanted to do Heavenly
Father's will for me. I have had people on multiple continents fasting
and praying for me for two months, I have gone to doctors all around
South East Asia, I mean I went to Thailand, you don't usually do that, I
did everything so I could figure out what was wrong with me and so I
could stay serving the people I love. But there comes a time when you
know the answer to all the prayers and all the fasting is simply, "no I
have a different plan for you". That plan is coming home and preparing
for the next stage of life. But before I get to that, let me explain
the last nine weeks.
So just before Christmas time Thursday Dec 21 to be exact Chi Ly
and I had weekly planning then headed out for some lessons in Branch 3,
by that night I had a killer head ache and was really dizzy. I spent
three days down and out until Christmas Eve and Christmas. For
Christmas Eve we painted a school and aside from sitting down often
Christmas Eve and Christmas were amazing. I loved painting, the
packages were wonderful and I was so excited to sing that night for the
devotional, I will always love Mary's Lullaby and Picture a Christmas.
Then after Christmas things fell apart a bit. I realized after a week
or two that my life was falling into a pattern. I would have three good
days where I could proselyte, help the zone and function as a
missionary, then I would have four down days where my head hurt so bad I
didn't step out of the house, or I could only pull half days. We could
always do some good somewhere, just in unexpected ways. After four
weeks of trying to work things out and visiting Chi Hoa's apartment
twice Sis Moon and I knew things couldn't continue as they were, so I
sat and talked with Pres Moon and Sis Moon, I was given two options
either go home in a week for an MRI and see if we could figure something
out and get me cured or go to Thailand for an MRI and see what
happened. I wish I could share what a rollercoaster I was on that weekend as I pondered my options and asked the Lord what He had for me. As I
pondered I knew Thailand was where I needed to go and as I pondered I
saw a bit of my future as well. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father
doesn't leave us alone or comfortless in the big changes of our lives.
Well I was pronounced "one with a beautiful brain" and sent back to
Cambodia. All the doctors just told me to adjust the best I could and
continue working. It wasn't until a week later that I ended up on the
floor leaning on the couch in the mission home that Pres Moon knew
something needed to change and before too much longer. I spent that
week end fasting (well I'm sure most of us did) so that I would know
what I needed to do and how to proceed. I went forward with the desire
to stay in the field, work with the people I love. But that weekend I
came to realize Heavenly Father had a change in plans in store for me.
So I talked with Pres Moon and we both decided that we felt at peace
with the decision to send me home. I know that faith can and does move
mountains, it's just sometimes it moves the mountains we aren't
expecting.
Since first getting sick before Christmas I have had numerous
people tell me I needed to get better so I didn't get sent home or so
that I wouldn't be transferred state side, interestingly, that never
crossed my mind. I was a Cambodia Phnom Penh missionary and that was
it. Then in my pre transfers interview with Pres Moon we talked about
accepting all the options Heavenly Father gives us, not just the ones we
want. We also talked about knowing that the answers we receive are from
Heavenly Father. In that conversation we talked about how peace is
good, but being excited is also good. When we accept God's will we find
excitement in planning for the future. Ever since getting the answer
that it was time for me to come home, that I couldn't heal in Cambodia, I
have felt like a bad missionary, that I could find excitement in the
future Heavenly Father has for me, but at long last I realize, this
excitement is simply a blessing so that I can prepare myself for the
future, or the pre-prepared plan Heavenly Father has for me. I didn't
come home because I wanted to, but because I felt I needed to. Faith
moved mountains and I thank you for all of your support, fasting and
prayers because the mountain I needed to move was one of feeling peace
at coming home. Cambodia changed my life, things happened there I will
never forget, but now, earlier than expected is the time that I need to
be here and apply the things Heavenly Father has taught me. I promise
that Heavenly Father answers every prayer, sometimes the answer is no,
but only because there is a greater yes in the future. I know Heavenly
Father called me to Cambodia for a reason and I know He has called me
back home for a reason. I have had time to grieve over opportunities
that will feel like they were lost in Cambodia, but I know Heavenly
Father plans everything. I will have every opportunity in this life I
need in order to become the person I need to be and to find ultimate
happiness.
In the MTC I made goals for myself when I thought about the kind
of person I wanted to be when I finished my mission. My expectation for
myself was that I would always seek the inspiration of the Spirit and
follow it in order to bless the lives of the people whom God said needed
help. Perhaps after all I have become the missionary I was intended to
be. Just because I have been released doesn't mean my mission is over,
Heavenly Father still has much service for me to render and much for
each of us to do. I hope that we will all always listen to the voice
of the Lord, no matter what is asked for I promise the only peace and
joy found in this life comes when we heed that Spirit and build God's
kingdom His way.
I love you all and thank you for your love and support, it means
so much to me. If anyone has questions feel free to ask in the comments, we learn more
from the experiences of life as we share them, thank you for sharing
yours with me and letting me share mine with you. As Cambodia gets
farther away, I will have more cultural things to share, so keep
checking and we might keep learning together.
1 Ne 20:10 The Lord truly does refine us. This life is a maze and God always keeps his promises.
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