Tai Sao di ve nha (why I came home)

Dear Family and those I love,

   There have been some questions about what is going on and why I am currently residing back in Cache Valley instead of Cambodia.  Well I promised a debriefing and I will try to do my best to explain the process of this missionary coming home and continuing the work of Heavenly Father here.

   First I want to say that my mission in the Cambodia Phnom Penh mission was the most amazing thing of my life, I have made friends and done things I never could have imagined.  I have given my life into the keeping of my Heavenly Father and have come to realize that if I do not follow His guidance my life is nothing. He can make me so much more than I can be by myself.  It is an amazing thing to know that even though compared to God we are nothing, to Him we are everything.  He truly is in the details of our lives and He desires our ultimate happiness.  Leaving Cambodia is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, I love the members, the investigators I was working with and the elders and sisters of my zone.  I have learned so much as I have struggled to share the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ in Vietnamese, and it was always worth it.  I learned how to love in a way I never knew before and I have learned more about the Atonement than I ever thought I could, I've learned how it applies to others and more importantly how it applies to me.  Now I feel it is time that I explain why I left this country and situation that I love so much.

  First, know that I came home because I wanted to do Heavenly Father's will for me.  I have had people on multiple continents fasting and praying for me for two months, I have gone to doctors all around South East Asia, I mean I went to Thailand, you don't usually do that, I did everything so I could figure out what was wrong with me and so I could stay serving the people I love.  But there comes a time when you know the answer to all the prayers and all the fasting is simply, "no I have a different plan for you". That plan is coming home and preparing for the next stage of life.  But before I get to that, let me explain the last nine weeks.

   So just before Christmas time Thursday Dec 21 to be exact Chi Ly and I had weekly planning then headed out for some lessons in Branch 3, by that night I had a killer head ache and was really dizzy.  I spent three days down and out until Christmas Eve and Christmas.  For Christmas Eve we painted a school and aside from sitting down often Christmas Eve and Christmas were amazing.  I loved painting, the packages were wonderful and I was so excited to sing that night for the devotional, I will always love Mary's Lullaby and Picture a Christmas.  Then after Christmas things fell apart a bit.  I realized after a week or two that my life was falling into a pattern.  I would have three good days where I could proselyte, help the zone and function as a missionary, then I would have four down days where my head hurt so bad I didn't step out of the house, or I could only pull half days. We could always do some good somewhere, just in unexpected ways.  After four weeks of trying to work things out and visiting Chi Hoa's apartment twice Sis Moon and I knew things couldn't continue as they were, so I sat and talked with Pres Moon and Sis Moon, I was given two options either go home in a week for an MRI and see if we could figure something out and get me cured or go to Thailand for an MRI and see what happened.  I wish I could share what a rollercoaster I was on that weekend as I pondered my options and asked the Lord what He had for me.  As I pondered I knew Thailand was where I needed to go and as I pondered I saw a bit of my future as well.  I'm grateful that Heavenly Father doesn't leave us alone or comfortless in the big changes of our lives. Well I was pronounced "one with a beautiful brain" and sent back to Cambodia. All the doctors just told me to adjust the best I could and continue working. It wasn't until a week later that I ended up on the floor leaning on the couch in the mission home that Pres Moon knew something needed to change and before too much longer.  I spent that week end fasting (well I'm sure most of us did) so that I would know what I needed to do and how to proceed.  I went forward with the desire to stay in the field, work with the people I love.  But that weekend I came to realize Heavenly Father had a change in plans in store for me.  So I talked with Pres Moon and we both decided that we felt at peace with the decision to send me home.  I know that faith can and does move mountains, it's just sometimes it moves the mountains we aren't expecting. 

  Since first getting sick before Christmas I have had numerous people tell me I needed to get better so I didn't get sent home or so that I wouldn't be transferred state side, interestingly, that never crossed my mind.  I was a Cambodia Phnom Penh missionary and that was it.  Then in my pre transfers interview with Pres Moon we talked about accepting all the options Heavenly Father gives us, not just the ones we want. We also talked about knowing that the answers we receive are from Heavenly Father.  In that conversation we talked about how peace is good, but being excited is also good.  When we accept God's will we find excitement in planning for the future.  Ever since getting the answer that it was time for me to come home, that I couldn't heal in Cambodia, I have felt like a bad missionary, that I could find excitement in the future Heavenly Father has for me, but at long last I realize, this excitement is simply a blessing so that I can prepare myself for the future, or the pre-prepared plan Heavenly Father has for me.  I didn't come home because I wanted to, but because I felt I needed to.  Faith moved mountains and I thank you for all of your support, fasting and prayers because the mountain I needed to move was one of feeling peace at coming home.  Cambodia changed my life, things happened there I will never forget, but now, earlier than expected is the time that I need to be here and apply the things Heavenly Father has taught me.  I promise that Heavenly Father answers every prayer, sometimes the answer is no, but only because there is a greater yes in the future.  I know Heavenly Father called me to Cambodia for a reason and I know He has called me back home for a reason.  I have had time to grieve over opportunities that will feel like they were lost in Cambodia, but I know Heavenly Father plans everything.  I will have every opportunity in this life I need in order to become the person I need to be and to find ultimate happiness. 

  In the MTC I made goals for myself when I thought about the kind of person I wanted to be when I finished my mission.  My expectation for myself was that I would always seek the inspiration of the Spirit and follow it in order to bless the lives of the people whom God said needed help. Perhaps after all I have become the missionary I was intended to be.  Just because I have been released doesn't mean my mission is over, Heavenly Father still has much service for me to render and much for each of us to do.  I hope that we will all always listen to the voice of the Lord, no matter what is asked for I promise the only peace and joy found in this life comes when we heed that Spirit and build God's kingdom His way.

   I love you all and thank you for your love and support, it means so much to me. If anyone has questions feel free to ask in the comments, we learn more from the experiences of life as we share them, thank you for sharing yours with me and letting me share mine with you.  As Cambodia gets farther away, I will have more cultural things to share, so keep checking and we might keep learning together. 

                                                           Love Chi Dao

1 Ne 20:10  The Lord truly does refine us.  This life is a maze and God always keeps his promises.

 

 

Chicken Racks

Dear Family,
   I really should send pictures so Mom and Dad know the person they are looking for when I get off the airplane, but I always like surprises and I think this one will be great.  I can't believe that I am finishing my service as a full time missionary in the Kingdom of God, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, there is still work for me to do and weak knees that need lifting.  I know that we are given experiences in life which prepare us for life to come.  I remember writing an email a while ago that Heavenly Father never sends us a trial He hasn't prepared us for, He is preparing me.  I was going to write cultural things down, but time is short and I need to go to lunch with my mission president, I really shouldn't be late.  So instead I will save my thoughts about Cambodia for next week (sorry to keep dragging things out) but I think it will be better to get some perspective before I write,
  I end my last email to you all from Cambodia, with my testimony:
    I know that Heavenly Father called me here for a reason, I don't understand all of them yet, but I have a really good guess about a couple of them.  There were people I taught, people I came to love and a lot I learned about myself.  If anyone ever wonders if they should serve a mission, or serve the Lord in general, do it.  You learn more about your relationship with your Father in Heaven and Savior as you serve than you will in any other way. You learn how to see bigger pictures and do more good than your own efforts can do.  Please know that I know I'm not perfect, and receiving peace from Heavenly Father that you are doing His will, doesn't make you perfect, but it does help you move forward, even if things don't make sense.  There truly is a special feeling which comes when you know somehow you are helping Heavenly Father fulfill His purposes.  I know my Savior lives, that He suffered in the Garden of Getheseme so that He could always know how to help me smile.  I know that Heavenly Father wants all of us to find happiness in this life, that is what His Gospel is for, so we learn good habits, repent, receive the Holy Ghost, gain instructions for our last happiness and obtain salvation.  This Gospel is good and better than that it is true.  I have seen the power of the Atonement change lives, I hope we always let it change ours.  May we all serve God and find his peace in this life is my hope and prayer,
Chi Dao signing off.

A tennis racket to a baptism, only in Cambodia

Dear Family and Those I love,
    For those who don't know I will be saying hello to Cache Valley in a weeks time.  It was been such a long process, I have seen the Lord's hand every step of the way.  He has purposes that we cannnot even fathom and I'm excited to see what the next purposes will be.  In the last months of my mission I have learned what the Atonement truly  can be in our lives, true I don't know how it works or why it can does the things that it does, but I know it works.  My new constant motto, I literally use every day, whether I am exhausted on a bike or if I am laying in bed wanting to give up, just because I feel useless as a missionary and I remember D&C 1, God gave the weaknesses he gave us because he knows how to work with them and use them, here is the motto: "Work within the parameters you have, trusting that the Atonement of Jesus Christ can and will fill the gap""
   It is no accident my mission president talks about the Atonement, I share his words with you.  Be sure to read the whole thing, my meager words are at the end....

The Continuous Atonement

I have been thinking a lot recently about the atonement and wanted to share some of my thoughts with you.  The Atonement as a principles and doctrine is as key and important as any we teach—we talk about the importance of the doctrine of Christ—well the atonement is part of that—it is the atonement that makes the doctrine of Christ possible!  Without the atonement there would be no doctrine of Christ.  Faith, repentance, baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost—none of it would have any meaning or help or power in our lives were it not for the Savior’s death and resurrection and redeeming grace. The whole plan of salvation hinges on the atonement!!  The “at-one-ment” that takes place as we progress from fallen mortality to being clasped in the Lord’s arms and one with Him.  The temple teaches us beautifully about this progression and the key importance of the atonement that enables it.  Only through His grace and by coming unto Him are we able to enter the kingdom of God—sanctified, purified, holy, and clean.

How important is it for our investigators and recent converts to understand deeply the meaning and importance and power of the atonement in their lives?  Incredibly important!!  How well do we understand the atonement ourselves?  How well are we able to teach others about it and help them access its power in their lives?
 
When I ask missionaries what they are studying in their personal study or what they would like to understand better, the atonement is often the first answer they give.

 It’s fairly straightforward to teach that Jesus Christ suffered and died for us, and took upon Himself our sins, so that we can be clean.  But do our investigators really understand how someone dying on a cross 2000 years ago makes a difference today in their life?  Do they really get how Christ’s death and resurrection in a faraway land so long ago can make a HUGE difference in their life today and motivate them to unwavering faith, sincere repentance, and a lifelong commitment to make and keep sacred covenants with God?

 How about in your life as a missionary?  Do you really understand how the atonement can help you every single day of your mission, and its importance for the rest of your life?

 Have you ever done something you have regretted?  Have you ever regretted not doing something you should have done? Maybe losing patience with your companion last night?  Or that person you didn’t stop to talk to yesterday that you know you should have?  That moment when teaching yesterday when you let your mind wander and so you didn’t have anything helpful to share when it was your turn to talk in the lesson?  Have you ever tried and failed?  Or failed to try?

 Life is an incredibly risky business.  In a million different ways, every single day, we fall short.  Even when we are trying our best.  It is precisely for that reason that the atonement is so needed, so important, so relevant in our lives every single minute.  It is something we need continuously.  It is what keeps us from being a prisoner to our past.  It keeps us from being consumed with regret and hand-wringing sorrow about all the things we didn’t do exactly right.  It allows us to face the future without fear and worry.  It gives us room to breathe, to live, to act, to try, to FAIL!  The whole POINT of this life is that we are here to learn from our mistakes!  Without an understanding of the atonement our regrets about the past mistakes we have made and our worries about the future can pile up so fast and heavy on top of us that our ability to live joyfully in the present is buried.  The atonement allows us to let go of those regrets, lay our past sins and mistakes at Jesus’ feet, face the future without fear or worry (even though we know we are going to make more mistakes and have more regrets), and keep moving forward.

The author of a recent article I read made the important observation that too often when we are dealing with a trial, with affliction, with difficulty or challenge in our life, we immediately want the Lord to SOLVE IT—to fix it, to take away the challenge.  To change the situation—quick Lord—get me out of here!  Take away this trial!  Make it go away!  That is usually the type of prayer we are prone to offer.  We want a miracle to change everything around us or everyone else or the situation we find ourselves in.  The Lord came to deliver and redeem His people from their sins!  Not change their circumstances!  The ancient Israelites couldn’t conceive of a Messiah who would come but not deliver them from political bondage to the Romans.  They didn’t want someone to free them from being a slave to their appetites and sins and weaknesses.  They wanted someone to free them from slavery and political bondage!  They wanted out of their circumstance!  But the Lord didn’t come to change their external circumstances or environment.  He came to change THEM!  To change their hearts!  It is the same with us—through the atonement WE are changed—not our circumstances.  We need to help our investigators realize that!   When their hearts are filled with faith, humbled to the point of repentance, committed to keeping promises with the Lord, and filled with the Holy Spirit—then they will be able to let go of the regrets and grudges and anger about the past and everyone else.  That’s when they will be able to face the future with hope and love and without worry or fear!  That’s when they will no longer be trapped and acted upon by the adversity and sorrow and pain of life, but instead be free to act with forgiveness and love and hope and faith!  Regardless of whether their external circumstances, income, or trials change or not!  Regardless of whether or not their spouse still treats them bad.  Regardless of whether or not they still haven’t found a job.  They will have changed inside.  That’s the power of the atonement.   That’s the difference it makes in their lives.  The atonement doesn’t make it so everything around us is right and fair and easy.  It allows us to live and love DESPITE the fact that probably the person we are trying to love will still not love us back.  DESPITE the fact that we are going to fail again!  Because of the atonement we can take the risk of trying, of failing, of loving, of living!  Does everybody need that?  Do we need that every single minute of this incredibly risky mortal life that we are in the middle of?  Absolutely!  We need it continuously!

 Preach My Gospel states, “As we rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain.  We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation.”  It doesn’t say He will take away our trials, sicknesses, and pains!  It says He can help us endure them!, And fill us with joy and peace and consolation despite the external circumstances we find ourselves in.  Is the power to live life with joy and peace and consolation, despite all that is unfair, a valuable thing for our investigators?  You bet it is!  Worth more than all the gold and silver in the world.

 How do we rely on the Atonement?  Here are a few suggestions:
 
Quit beating yourself up.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.  It’s like we think it’s ok for everyone else to repent and change but we know ourselves too well.  We know our weaknesses.  We can’t understand how it is possible to move past them.  We’ve lived with them a long time!  But the fact is the Lord has already suffered for your sins.  So that you DON’T HAVE TO!  Stop inflicting emotional and unrelenting pain and shame and guilt on yourself and realize your beating yourself up is not going to gain you access into some kind of hall of fame of self-induced punishment and win you eternal merit.  All it does is delay your ability to progress.  Quit beating yourself up.

 Instead of praying to change your circumstance, pray to change your heart, your attitude, yourself.  Instead of asking for the Lord to take away whatever your current trial or challenge is, pray that He will give you peace and consolation and strength to endure it well and transcend it.  The atonement is about overcoming.  The Savior helps us overcome sin and death.  He also helps us overcome our trials and our pain and our regrets and weaknesses.
 
Let the atonement shield you from heartache.  In a thousand different ways every day we unknowingly, and knowingly, hurt, offend, or annoy other people.  And they do it to us.  When it happens to you, rely on the atonement—hand it over to Him.  Pretend someone is handing you some slimy, stinky garbage.  Do you want to keep it and sleep with it and rub your nose in it time and time again and keep it in your pocket and pull it out every few hours and gaze at it?  NO!  Immediately imagine yourself handing it right over to the Savior—here, Lord, you take this one—I don’t want to keep it.  He’s already dealt with it—He knows it, He has seen it before, He had already overcome it.  Let Him have it.  Don’t keep it.   And if you are knowingly giving garbage to someone else, stop it!

Take the risk to be better than you think you are.  Better than you were yesterday.  The atonement provides the hope and promise of being able to try even when you think it is beyond your ability or nature.  The atonement lets you spread your wings and fly.  Even when you are not sure you even know how.  It shatters the chains of self-doubt and self-imposed limitations that would otherwise keep us grounded. Because the atonement makes it possible to try, and try again.  To risk extending love to someone else even if they don’t give it back.

Finally, let it stoke the fire of faith inside you so that you can repent and change.  Amulek taught that the atonement “bringeth about means unto men that they may have faith unto repentance.” (Alma 34:15)  The little engine that could didn’t get to the top of the hill by saying “I don’t think I can, I don’t think I can.”  Let the atonement give you the means you need to have faith enough to repent and change.  Study the Book of Mormon and let it build your faith that the Lord Jesus Christ is indeed our Savior, Redeemer, and Deliverer.  As that faith builds, it will be “faith unto repentance.”  Picture yourself adding wood to the bonfire of faith in your soul every time you study the word.  As the fire becomes hotter it will purge and burn out the desire to do wrong, it will purify you “life a refiner’s fire” and the heat of that fire of faith will keep away the wolves of temptation and sin.

A deep and true understanding of the atonement can help an offended member move past the grudges, the offenses, the hurt of the past.  A deep and true understanding of the atonement can help a young single adult member filled with anxiety and worry about their future take the risk of asking that special someone to date them or marry them, even though they know neither of them are going to be perfect for each other and they don’t know how they are going to survive financially.  A deep and true understanding of the atonement can help a mother try and try again to repair a relationship with a wayward teenager, even when it seems never to help.  A deep and true understanding of the atonement can help a missionary move past regrets about the past, or fear of failure, and find joy in the glorious present opportunity to testify of the Savior and His power in our life.
 
The atonement is the source and wellspring of our faith.  It is the compelling reason to continue to repent.  It is the motivation to make and keep covenants with God.  It calms our fears and allows the Spirit to fill our hearts.  It is the power to endure every trial and temptation.  It is the rock upon which we build our life.  It is the doctrine of Christ.  Teach it to those you are called to serve.  Rely upon it yourself.  Continuously.

I bear testimony that the atonement of Jesus Christ is real and powerful and available to all.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Thank you for sharing these adventures with me.  This week will be the last opportunity you have to write to this missionary, take advantage of it, if you want. 
Chelsey could we watch the Adventures of Tin Tin, in two weeks?
Natalie I look forward to seeing you and having a very nice long, long chat :-)
For whatever reason I can't fathom my work now, here is done, but knowing we have God's blessing on our efforts, always makes it worth the efforts, my prayer is that we always have that greatest comfort in our lives, knowing we did what we did for the right reason, the right way with the help of God.  This is the purpose of our life here. I love you all, God be with you til we meet again.  Stayed tuned for my last mission post next week. 
Love Chi Dao

House or airport? :-)

Which Moroni?

Dear Family and those I love,
   I apologize outright that this email will be incredibly short, please know that I love and care about all of you, it is simply that sometimes time gets away from you especially as a missionary.
   There are two thoughts I would like to share with you and then my testimony.  First "The Lord loves a cheerful heart-- He must love you a whole lot" I hope that this can always be said of all of us.  This life sends us all so many unexpected things and challenges whether it be loss of a job, a car accident, a bike accident, learning a new language, paying rent, sharing the gospel with a neighbor or facing decisions we would rather not face.  All of these things might cause us to wonder what pavilion is hiding the Lord, but I like Pres Eyring say that the only pavilion covering anybody is the one covering us.  We don't know what things are part of God's plan for us, whether it be going to Cambodia to see naked children in the streets, learning a new language and not being able to communicate or staying home to face more normal things that are adventures in and of themselves.  Whatever our challenge might be I know that Heavenly Father places them in our path so that we can learn and grow.  Also this life and especially something this mission is teaching me is that we are not here just to make good choices, we are also here to show that we can make those good choices well.  Are we going through the things of this life with a grimace or a smile?  Oh trust me I know that smiling all the time can be exhausting and isn't always appropriate, but I am curious if given a choice which expression comes easier to our faces? I hope it is the smile.
  Next thought, the past week has been a very full empty one, other than some visits to members and a really good lesson to Chi Phung our current investigator who loves the Book of Mormon, but after coming to part of sacrament meeting and leaving with fussy kids she hasn't come back.  Our first goal was learning if we could communicate with her and our next is to make sure she understands when we leave a commitment (I am so grateful for Chi Hoa who actually understands most of what is going on and if she doesn't asks the right questions to get the answers).  I am thankful for the opportunity I had to share my testimony of the Book of Mormon with her and help her understand a bit more about Nephi and the brass plates and why we need scriptures in our lives.  Anyway other than those visits and way too many hiccups in Zone Training we spent most of the weekend in doors.  In the process Chi Hoa and I got out the white board and made plans for the transfer and our goals and she reminded me of something in our in field orientation session at the MTC.  She quoted our main man and said "be the kind of missionary that matches your expectations of what a missionary should be" how often do we set expectations for ourselves?  I know we have plenty of expectations in our lives, but I promise the only ones that matters are the Lord's expectations and the expectations we receive from the Spirit for ourselves.
   I know my Heavenly Father lives and loves me.  I know that He has a pre-prepared plan for each of us to find eternal joy.  I know that as we follow His plan for us we will have experiences we never expected and do more with our lives than we can by ourselves.  I know my Savior lives and he loves all of us.  He suffered the Atonement for each of us that he might know our experiences and our weaknesses personally.  Because of the Atonement he knows how to help us smile, no matter the situation.  So I leave a commitment for all of us, I am a missionary after all.  It goes back to thought number one.  Heavenly Father loves a cheerful heart, so my hope is that this week no matter what may come, we will have faith and hope in our Savior to smile and share the joy of the Gospel with those around us.
   I love you all, have a truly fabtabulous week
Chi Dao
P.S Remember that every trial is an answer to a prayer, to help us gain a Christlike attribute we are seeking.