Tenth Doctor Anyone

Dear Family,
     As I have gone through out the day I have pondered to myself this very significant question:  Is it possible to be informed of transfers a bit earlier in the evening?  Last night after waiting anxiously all day and finally giving up hope because no call came four anxious missionaries went to bed having not received any info about being moved around.  But at about ten o-çlock at night (keep in mind our bedtime is 9:30) we received a phone call from our zone leader.  This phone call turned our lives upside down.  Well my life will be turned upside down, again.  The longer I serve in Cambodia the more I realize that accepting the call to serve a mission is just the beginning of change, change and more change.  Have I mentioned I don't handle challenge well? I admit to feeling a bit jealous, at the end of talking with the zone leader I realized that Chi Pham gets to stay in Branch 6, with people I have grown to  love and care about so very much and I will be white washing into branch 10 with Sis Ly.

  I find myself feeling a bit like the tenth doctor at the end of "the end of time part 2".  I used to get so frustrated with David tennet and the line when he says ""but I don't want to go".  But now I feel I have a bit more empathy.  Sometimes no matter how much you want to stay, you know it is time to leave. And I shall, for hymn 270 truly applies to all of us.  We are on this earth because Heavenly Father sent us and all of our works and efforts must be according to his will if we are to arrive safely back to him, having become the person he needs us to be. I am learning how important going where he asks us to go truly is.  I don't know why I am being transferred, when usually it is the senior companion who leaves and the trainee stays to show what they can do in the area and with the people, I don't know why I am being transferred to an area where I will be white washing (again), but after a mostly sleep less night I know the Lord has a reason and I would be wise to follow.

  Many may ask themselves why being transferred is such a big deal, or why I care so much.  In fact four months ago I would have asked that same question, but now I know what it is like to love people, for the sheer fact they are God's children.  No matter that I see their faults or no matter that sometimes they just don't get it, Heavenly Father loves them and that at the end of the day is enough for me.  They, wonderful people who have experienced and over come so much more than I will ever understand, me a simple girl from Newton, have invited me into their lives and in turn they have deeply impressed my heart.  In the course of 12 weeks I have seen a family go from avoiding the missionaries, to yesterday all ten of them came to church with sparkling eyes.  I have seen women that could be so mean, show such compassion.  I have seen a 17 yr old that looked nervous inviting missionaries into a place where others would mock, but because he knew it was true he invited us anyway.  This life is so much more complicated, full, hard and beautiful than I ever used to think and the Gospel makes it all worth it. 

   I apologize if this email doesn't make sense this week, what can I say Vietnamese has scrambled my brains :-).  But there is just so much in my head and heart I don't know what I can share.  Do I share my excitement that the blessings of the temple will or have been extended to those I love?  Do I share that Anh Vu, who after his baptism forsook the spirit for drinking and smoking, only to return to church yesterday?  Do I share that I'm scared to go into a new area and have to start all over again?  Do I share that yesterday after a long night of self-deprecation I finally accepted the fact that I'm not perfect, that I still have much to do in the conversion process for myself?  I have begun to realize we are all in the conversion process, no one except for Christ is finished with that.  Elder Bednar spoke on this subject at length, so instead of pontificating upon it, I shall send you in that direction, as well as reading Jesus the Christ...but I want to share just one thing I learned yesterday...faith isn't faith unto conversion until that faith is tried.  Faith isn't life changing until we face something we wouldn't do on our own.  I have always had a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and of his Atonement.  But it wasn't until I started going to the Garden that I understood what the Atonement means to me.  It wasn't until Heavenly Father asked me to do something that scared me, that still scares me and makes me feel overwhelmed sometimes, that I realized how much I rely and need the Gospel in my life. I'm thankful for God's patience in my life, that He always tries to bless me first, I just have to accept it when it comes.  I know my Savior loves me, I know that he desires to bless me.  I am learning that the Greatest JOY in this life comes from being an instrument in the hands of our Father.  I could stay in branch six and coast or I can go to branch 10 and do the work God has prepared for me to do.  I can promise, much more joy will come from doing the work which is prepared for us.  I know we each have a work to do.  I understand that sometimes being proactive seems overwhelming, but I know as we make efforts each day to improve ourselves and do the work God has for us, we will become truly amazing servants of Him who loves us and wants to help us share that love with others.

       May you feel his love this week, love
        Chi Fabricius

Bung Chow

Dear Family,
   Sadly I don't know if bung chow means anything, because that phrase is Korean, not Vietnamese, but if I do meet any Koreans I shall try to remember to ask them.
   Well family, this is the second time only in this country when I haven't received mail on a p-day.  You know what this means...?  It means I have amazing family and friends who support me so much :-).  It also has given me time to ponder knowing that I don't have to answer too many major questions. 
  Recently I have had the un-wanted and un-prepared for opportunity of feeling much like the younger in Sabrina, you can and should watch either the old Sabrina with Humphrey Bogart or the new one with Harrison Ford, both are fabulous.  With this opportunity has come the time to ponder upon how the Lord blesses us with unexpected trials and how he always prepares us for these times in our lives.  I have finally had the opportunity to watch General Conference and I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love that as I listened to conference I received direction for my own life as well as direction and help for investigators and branch members.  As I talked to other missionaries I was also interested to hear that the things I picked up on were different and unique.  That is what is so amazing about general conference, we receive what we need because the Spirit is an individual teacher.  There were three things that stood out to me this last week end that I would like to share.  First, I love that Jesus Christ gave Peter the opportunity to affirm his faith and love of the Savior three times as if to give Peter the opportunity to make up for denying the Savior thrice, just days before.  I am thankful that my Savior knows my heart and that he understands I am human.  He knows I want to become like him and he knows I will stumble and fall, but he always waits patiently as I pick myself up and try again.  Then he gives me the opportunity to show my faith and devotion.  Next, I loved Pres. Eyring's talk about how we make the choice to cover ourselves with a pavilion.  It struck me powerfully how the Lord told Pres Eyring he would allow Pres Eyring to stay.  Sometimes in life we think we have the perfect plan for just how things should work out and so we beg for them, when if we had simply listened we would understand Heavenly Father had that to give us as well as so much more.  I know Heavenly Father has a plan for me and that the things I experience everyday are just the things I agreed to and know I need to experience in order to meet my potential.  Third I really loved Pres Uchtdorf's talk about not having regrets and about Elder Bednars talk about being truly converted.  Pres Uchtdorf's is the final, desirable state if you will and Elder Bednar's was about how to reach that state.  True conversion means constant diligence, a constant desire and striving to be better, because the standard of perfection is a journey of becoming, not a destination.
  Well dear family, I have a confession to make... I forgot my own advice and I let myself become content.  I was happy with how things with the language were coming and I felt very comfortable in my companionship and I forgot that diligence.  I am happy to report I woke up one morning pondering where the abundance of the Spirit I had grown used to had gone and what I had to do to help it return.  I had, you could say, put up a pavilion over my head and heart.  As I pondered and desired to change and continue progressing I slowly tore that pavilion down and allowed myself access to the Lord.  With that access Heavenly Father poured down blessings upon me and gave me the opportunity to see how I could change in order to receive his guidance and continue becoming the missionary, not only what I want to become, but who I must become to reach the potential only He sees.  This blessing came in the form of a minor illness that kept me off a bike for a day or two, a priesthood blessing and way too much time to think.  In that priesthood blessing I was reminded how important the work I am engaged in is and how important it is for me to be diligent in doing the work my Heavenly Father has called me to.  I am thankful for that call to be diligent, it kept me focused in conference and helped me have a humble heart to receive the messages the Lord knows I need.
   This last conference gave all of us a call to diligence.  Our contentment is really just a pavillion we use to hide ourselves from God.  He has so much for us to do, to live and to become, because conversion is a life long process.  What trials are we having or struggling with that make us feel like God is hiding from us?  What ever they may be, know that those trials are really Heavenly Father reminding you how aware of you He is.  He is simply waiting for us to come out of hiding and to feel of his guidance and love.  I know that Heavenly Father's timing is perfect.  I admit that I was shocked when the age for sisters to serve was changed to 19 and I wondered why Heavenly Father waited to change the age until I was already 21 and it didn't apply to me anymore.  But as I pondered I felt peace in my heart with this message, "this is my plan for you, this is the plan that is molding you into who you are meant to be" I pondered about my journey in choosing to serve, I thought about Chris, I thought about getting sick, I thought about family and school and everything and I realized Heavenly Father's timing truly is perfect.  He already knows we will struggle with certain things and that we can be stubborn, He has already figured that into his plan.
  As I talked with Chi Hien about life and trials and happy things too, we decided life is easy, once you have faith in Heavenly Father.  Once we have faith and live that faith we truly can live without fear.  I echo the apostles when I encourage all of us, myself included to put aside fear, to not cut off faith when reason seems to contradict it (for we don't see the whole perspective) and to live the faith that began a conversion, for what a wonderful journey it shall be.  I know God's plan is perfect and that he loves us, not matter the bumps, bruises or boils along the way.
           All my love Sister Fabricius

P.S I have heard rumors that Chelsey, Genevieve and Chris are all still alive, is this true?
P.S.S Congratulations to Kenzie Cooley! Good choice my friend
P.S.S.S Andrea Dunn your letter will shortly be in the mail.
P.SSSSS I promise to tell you more about being a missionary next week
P.S.SSSS The king died last week, so the whole country is in mourning, everyone wears white shirts with black ribbons, interesting.  The city smells a bit because of all the incense they are burning for the king and the major festivals are cancelled as they mourn the king for three months.  I kind of like how seriously this country takes the death of a leader, they truly love him.
ppppppppsssssss  We hopefully have some new investigators to work with this week.  We've spent our time only visiting less actives and recent converts so I am excited to begin teaching the lessons again!

First picture is from a random sunburn I got because the sleeves were only 3/4 length.  The next is a random ice cream parlor in Phnom Pehn, the ice cream is good, but the cost is really for the pillows and men in suits.  Third picture is CHi Pham and I in matching pj's from Ba Tu.  the other pictures are a bowl of hot pot shrimp and Chi Pham and I waiting for the elders. 

I'm alive...and I'm a missionary

Dear Family,
   Sometimes it feels so surreal that I am a missionary in Cambodia, that now even if I can't follow everything a member says I can get up in the morning and the first words out of my mouth are Vietnamese.  That when I get on my bike and I am praying for members I can only pray for them in Vietnamese.  This last week I struggled understanding members and not letting myself get overwhelmed because I couldn't say everything I wanted to and of course I know I have such a long way to go, but when I look at the fact I am speaking Vietnamese better than any other language I have learned (that's three by the way) I realize how much the Lord is helping me and how far I have come.  I am thankful for the Lord's help and blessings in my life.  I am thankful for His tender mercies, like having people send me letters or emails that covered just my concerns or not sending things when I really want them, but instead when I need them :-).
  Everyday I have the opportunity to meet members and hopeful investigators and share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with them, what a wonderful blessing.  Last night we visited a referral, who after meeting with her the first time we found out was actually a less active whose records had gotten lost, at first she didn't want anything to do we us.  But after multiple visits she finally let us in.  As I sat in shock at the fact I was actually sitting on her floor I realized neither Chi Pham or I knew what we wanted to say, but Heavenly Father knew what he wanted to say.  As I prayed to know he told me to share with her that He loves her, that the Gospel he sent into her life is true that Joseph Smith is the Prophet of the Restoration.  But mainly He told her that He wants her back, that it doesn't matter how far she goes or how long she stays away Heavenly Father always, always wants her back.
   The members here scare me, most of the time, they have so many grudges and have forgotten, if they ever knew, that this is a Gospel of love.  I love meeting with the members individually, however, whether Chi Khia, a woman with a young family who made roast chicken for us and put food into bowl for me or Ba Tu who made an awesome pair of pajamas for me (those pictures are still to come, but my computer is struggling at the moment) or Anh Vu who laughs at my Vietnamese, but knows exactly what I want to say.  These people are so amazing, loving and caring, they just forget it sometimes when they get in large groups.  But in the coming weeks Chi Pham and I will have the opportunity to share with them God's love for them individually and as a branch.  The more I ponder and learn about the atonement the more I realize, more people will be in the Celestial Kingdom then I ever realized.  We will all be there because Heavenly Father loves us so much.  There is so much to overcome in this life, and the Atonement is here simply to help us live life with a bit less sorrow.  I learned that yesterday.  Yes we need to use the Atonement to become what He wants us to be and yes we need to keep our covenants and the commandments, but sometimes we forget the simple message of the Atonement is that we are not alone and that we have someone to bear our sorrows and our burdens.  I testify that our Savior is the perfect redeemer he knows what we need when we need it and he is always there to lift us up and invite us back to live with our Father.
   I know my Heavenly Father loves me, that my Savior lives and that Jesus is the Christ.  May we all trust our Savior with our grudges, our burdens, our worries and our fears.  For when we can give those up, He has so much joy to share with us.
 May we all feel that joy is my hope and prayer,
Chi Dao
P.S Congratulations to Natalie, I am so proud of you and so very excited!
And Dad I'm glad you like the idea, now I have another wonderful thing to look forward to!

October, wow!

Dear Family,
  If any of what I write today seems to apply to you, it does.  Because I either intended it to or because the Spirit intends it to, do with that what you will. 
  First off though, Happy Birthday Natalie and Mom, I'm glad to hear the pumpkin cheese cake was good and I find myself wondering how well Cheesecake does traveling over an ocean :-).
  This week the Lord has taught me about trust.  First He has spent the last few weeks showing and kindly teaching me that when I feel like something is or should be a certain way, it should be that way.  I am learning that even if I don't really know about something or even if I don't have tangible proof, the Lord through His spirit can still and will confirm truth.  That is why pondering is so important, as we take the time to ponder and open our minds the Lord can show us truth and give us a sublime sense of peace.  I am learning how much I crave that peace.  Heavenly Father is so willing to give us that peace, but we have to put our worries, logic, frettings and freak outs aside before we can receive the peace only the Lord can give.  In a packet of letters Jennifer sent me before I left the MTC, I found a message that continues to speak to me daily.  The Spirit is always there to give comfort and guidance, but we must put all our fears and worries aside in order to allow the Spirit to give us comfort.  This last week I have felt like I needed to receive a blessing.  I didn't know why and I didn't know understand what good I would receive from it.  As I studied each morning and pondered I felt I already knew what the Lord would tell me.  But as I trusted the Lord and asked for that blessing, I did receive a beautiful gift.  No the heavens did not open and no angels appeared, and I can't even say that it was the most eloquent, but it held power.  As I sat in the middle of a circle of Melchezidek Priesthood holders I felt the powers of heaven, I felt protected.  The words that were said, had already been said and I already knew what I must do, but as that humble 19 year old spoke the words from my Heavenly Father I felt their power and I received a clarity of thought I didn't have before.  I realized the reason I felt so confused and overwhelmed is that somewhere in the last week I had tried to take all of Cambodia on shoulders that I knew were weak.  I knew I couldn't speak the language, I knew my body gets tired faster than I would like it too and I knew my temper is shorter than I want it to be.  But in that blessing Heavenly Father reminded me that He is always there, He knows the trials we will go through before we ever see them in the road.  He has promised me, and all of us in fact, the Holy Ghost the third member of the God as our constant, guide and protection, if we will seek for that help.  Somehow I had forgotten to ask for that help.  I was so focused on myself I had forgotten the tools the Lord had given me to succeed.
  Today in personal study as I read an article from July 2011 ( suggest you read it) called something like "Be of Good Cheer" the Lord reminded me how patient he is with all of us.  This life isn't for us to test the patience of God, He already has it.  This life is to help us develop our faith and our patience.  Heavenly Father does already know all that will come to us.  He knows we will struggle to follow his guidance, he knows that sometimes we will fight to have our way, even when we both know his way is the right way, the way to all happiness in this life and in eternity.  He knows if i focus on listening to the Spirit and to my companion when the Spirit speaks through her I will accomplish the work he has sent me here to do.  I testify that Heavenly Father is always patient with us.  He knows that sometimes we are afraid, He knows that sometimes we just feel like we want our way, just little bit.  But I know that when we finally say "here's my heart oh take seal it" Heavenly Father will seal it up to him for our eternal happiness.  Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ we are forgiven of everything and can accomplish anything, if we will ask for the enabling power of Christ.  Please ask for that power, I know I do everyday.  It is the only way I can preach the gospel or teach a lesson in Relief Society in a language I didn't know six months ago.  Perhaps in six months time I will write another email just like this one, and I'll wonder why I'm repeating myself.  But I already know why trusting the Lord is something we have to do everyday and learning to trust Him in every aspect of our lives is a life long process.  I'm thankful for the Lord's patience as we strive to become better.    I love you all so much.  The work moves forward here and what a joy to feel God's love and help in my life as I strive to help his children.  May we all receive renewed strength and joy because as Elder Holland said in "Laborer's of the Vineyard" the thing God loves most about being God is giving mercy to those who don't feel like they deserve it.  I love you and what is more God loves you.  Have a fabulous week :-)

Love Chi Dao

Please know I didn't say what I intended to say, but I learned a lot :-)

Durian anyone?

Dear Family,
   Well I finally did it, I ate durian!!!!!!!! So I have a video of it, but it won't load so you won't be able to see it for about a year, so wait patiently and don't let me forget about it. I admit the texture truly is disgusting and so is the smell, but once you go through the four steps of eating durian you don''t notice the smell anymore and it actually tastes pretty good.  I think you have to be part Asian to actually crave it, but I can eat it now with some pleasure.
   I wish I knew what to say this week, I keep praying that something I say might inspire someone, like myself to be a better person.  I was promised once that if I would bear my testimony as often as I could that testimony would sink deep into the hearts of the hearers.  I hope I always have the Spirit to use that gift as well as I can.  Being so far from home I realize how much value I have for those hearts and how much I love all of you.  When you serve a mission the Lord truly can and does multiple your love.  You love people you don't know and love the people you do know even more.  Now in a land so far away from the one I knew (and believe every time I go out on the street and see how big just Phnom Pehn is I am overwhelmed by how big this city is and how small the place I left was) I see how much love I have and have had my entire life.  I also come to see how much you need that love.  Here in a place where it seems the members don't love each other and where the rain definitely doesn't like you (the pictures this week were taken in an alley after a nasty rain storm).  I am learning you don't have to have love extended to you in order to love someone else.  For example we met a man on a street corner almost our first week here.  We visited him a couple times and found out he was actually Kmer, but he learned Vietnamese during the war.  After a couple visits he told us he was too busy and didn't want to come to church.  We kept trying to visit and when we found out he was in the hospital we called to check up on him.  He has no family and other than a friend on that street corner who told us he was sick I don't know that anyone really knew Chu Mot had a place in this world.  But when this last week we found out he had died last Sunday I realized what a part he had in my heart.  When his friend told us he had died my heart dropped a bit.  I felt bad that Chu Mot had no family to mourn his passing and that Chu Mot was not prepared to meet his maker.  As the sons of Mosiah my heart ached for him who didn't know enough to enter the next life.  I wished that we could have taught him more, that we could have shared the love of the Lord more in his life and that he could understand more about eternity and know that the Gospel is not just about going to church on Sunday, but that it is about preparing to meet God.  As we left I prayed that Heavenly Father could send to really amazing men and missionaries to his door on the other side of the veil.  That perhaps my grandfather's could visit him and remind him of the testimony of their grand daughter who met him on a street corner and shared her testimony of God's love in broken Vietnamese.
  I'm thankful for this work that the Lord has called me to.  Whether it be going contacting in a random street because I felt we needed to and only met one Vietnamese family who told us they were too busy.  But as I walked away I knew I had to go back, so I did.  I don't even remember what I said exactly and I'm sure my tones were horrible, but as I told them of the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and Joseph Smith's first Vision I felt in my heart what I shared was true.  I know Joseph Smith saw God the Father and our Savior Jesus Christ.  I know that Joseph Smith Restored the holy priesthood with the power to seal on earth and in Heaven.  I have been thinking a lot about temples and the ordinances of salvation we perform there.  When was the last time we went?  I know for me it has been two months and I miss it so much.  The temples which are built through sacrifice are sanctified by the Lord and we truly are endowed with power when we enter that house.  I would invite everyone (including myself, I'm already reading it in preparation of helping the members here prepare for the temple) to read the special Ensign about temples, the pictures are beautiful and I feel the power of the Lord's house just by looking at them.  We are all so blessed to have the Gospel in our lives.  To know that this life isn't the end and that as we keep our covenants we will live with our family for eternity.  I love you all so much my family and all of my brothers and sisters in God's family I look forward for the day when I will see us all in God's kingdom, may we live in such a way we are prepared and worthy to enter his presence is my humble desire, Sister Fabricius
Thank you all so much for your love.  I am thankful for the temple in my life and for the blessings that await me there so that I may spend eternity with those I love.

This appears to be a tiny banana