As I have gone through out the day I have pondered to myself this very significant question: Is it possible to be informed of transfers a bit earlier in the evening? Last night after waiting anxiously all day and finally giving up hope because no call came four anxious missionaries went to bed having not received any info about being moved around. But at about ten o-çlock at night (keep in mind our bedtime is 9:30) we received a phone call from our zone leader. This phone call turned our lives upside down. Well my life will be turned upside down, again. The longer I serve in Cambodia the more I realize that accepting the call to serve a mission is just the beginning of change, change and more change. Have I mentioned I don't handle challenge well? I admit to feeling a bit jealous, at the end of talking with the zone leader I realized that Chi Pham gets to stay in Branch 6, with people I have grown to love and care about so very much and I will be white washing into branch 10 with Sis Ly.
I find myself feeling a bit like the tenth doctor at the end of "the end of time part 2". I used to get so frustrated with David tennet and the line when he says ""but I don't want to go". But now I feel I have a bit more empathy. Sometimes no matter how much you want to stay, you know it is time to leave. And I shall, for hymn 270 truly applies to all of us. We are on this earth because Heavenly Father sent us and all of our works and efforts must be according to his will if we are to arrive safely back to him, having become the person he needs us to be. I am learning how important going where he asks us to go truly is. I don't know why I am being transferred, when usually it is the senior companion who leaves and the trainee stays to show what they can do in the area and with the people, I don't know why I am being transferred to an area where I will be white washing (again), but after a mostly sleep less night I know the Lord has a reason and I would be wise to follow.
Many may ask themselves why being transferred is such a big deal, or why I care so much. In fact four months ago I would have asked that same question, but now I know what it is like to love people, for the sheer fact they are God's children. No matter that I see their faults or no matter that sometimes they just don't get it, Heavenly Father loves them and that at the end of the day is enough for me. They, wonderful people who have experienced and over come so much more than I will ever understand, me a simple girl from Newton, have invited me into their lives and in turn they have deeply impressed my heart. In the course of 12 weeks I have seen a family go from avoiding the missionaries, to yesterday all ten of them came to church with sparkling eyes. I have seen women that could be so mean, show such compassion. I have seen a 17 yr old that looked nervous inviting missionaries into a place where others would mock, but because he knew it was true he invited us anyway. This life is so much more complicated, full, hard and beautiful than I ever used to think and the Gospel makes it all worth it.
I apologize if this email doesn't make sense this week, what can I say Vietnamese has scrambled my brains :-). But there is just so much in my head and heart I don't know what I can share. Do I share my excitement that the blessings of the temple will or have been extended to those I love? Do I share that Anh Vu, who after his baptism forsook the spirit for drinking and smoking, only to return to church yesterday? Do I share that I'm scared to go into a new area and have to start all over again? Do I share that yesterday after a long night of self-deprecation I finally accepted the fact that I'm not perfect, that I still have much to do in the conversion process for myself? I have begun to realize we are all in the conversion process, no one except for Christ is finished with that. Elder Bednar spoke on this subject at length, so instead of pontificating upon it, I shall send you in that direction, as well as reading Jesus the Christ...but I want to share just one thing I learned yesterday...faith isn't faith unto conversion until that faith is tried. Faith isn't life changing until we face something we wouldn't do on our own. I have always had a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and of his Atonement. But it wasn't until I started going to the Garden that I understood what the Atonement means to me. It wasn't until Heavenly Father asked me to do something that scared me, that still scares me and makes me feel overwhelmed sometimes, that I realized how much I rely and need the Gospel in my life. I'm thankful for God's patience in my life, that He always tries to bless me first, I just have to accept it when it comes. I know my Savior loves me, I know that he desires to bless me. I am learning that the Greatest JOY in this life comes from being an instrument in the hands of our Father. I could stay in branch six and coast or I can go to branch 10 and do the work God has prepared for me to do. I can promise, much more joy will come from doing the work which is prepared for us. I know we each have a work to do. I understand that sometimes being proactive seems overwhelming, but I know as we make efforts each day to improve ourselves and do the work God has for us, we will become truly amazing servants of Him who loves us and wants to help us share that love with others.
May you feel his love this week, love
Chi Fabricius
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